Kill myself?

Please, for the love of God, understand me. Here is the situation: I have been going out with a girl for 5 years. We have been living one year away from each other. I learned she lied to me about something, which does not consider cheating or whatever. We got into a big argument (over the phone), and it was not clear at the end of that phone call if we were still going out together. I never cheated on her EVER and never came close to do so or think so. Here is the situation: That night when we fought over the phone I was so sad and lost. I then went to a strip club in Toronto. I sat there for two hours, I did not even look at the strippers, as I was always thinking about her. Finally, I don't know why, I got one lap dance from a stripper. As soon as I came inside hte booth I felt bad. She then started to give me a lap dance, and I closed my eyes thinking about my girlfriend. Then I just left the place. I want to kill myself, because of what happened that night . One mistake in five years. Am I a complete jerk, a loser, someone who does not deserve anytying good?

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