| Its been 14 years since I got married to my wife and have been living in hell since then. I didn't know about BPD until I stumbled up on this thread a few days ago: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-cl...ssed-wife.html. These are exactly the same things that I am going through with my wife. She is very money minded and compares everything with money. She does not trust me and is always suspicious about me if I spend time with a friend or a family member. She drags everyone that I am associated with into our arguments and starts hating them and verbally abusing them (not infront of them). Unable to bear these insane arguments, I hit myself violently. She stops it for a moment, holds me, syas sorry only to start this all over again. She cannot bear if I help anyone. Her expectations from the person I help go roof-top as she feels that he/she is indebted to us for life long. She starts finding faults in them and repeatedly tells me that I shouldn't have helped the person. I have slowly stopped communicating with friends and family and have zero social life. She has a very poor judgement of what is right/wrong and gets offended by normal things in conversations with my side of the family. She often starts believing her assumptions as though they really happened to her and accuses me and my family for these. My parents sacrificed everything they have to provide me with good education and sent me to US for higher studies. They live in my home country. She does not feel that it is my responsibility to take care of them. I lost my father to a life threatening disease a few years ago and I had to go through hell from my wife during this period. Her behavior seems to aggravate in crisis. She attempted suicide in order to stop me from visiting him and I had to rush her to emergency. I eventually visited him after a few weeks. I had to disclose about her suicide attempt to my family and her family to get help and also find out if I am doing anything wrong. Her family took her side and did nothing to help me in my desperate situation. To this day, she blames me for exposing the suicide to my side of the family. She makes me feel guilty for talking to others about her in the name of sacred marriage. She says that as a husband I failed to protect her. Everytime I go to her family for help, they poison her mind by complaing about me and my family. They tell her not to trust me. I stopped asking her family for help. Knowing her money minded nature, I have made other financial arrangements when my father was detected with the lifethreatening disease. A lot of problems have been solved since I made this arrangement. But, I am living in fear that she will find this out one day. All hell will break loose when this happens. My mom who is old now lives alone in our home country. She gets ~$3000/yr through our properties, but that's not enough for her to survive and pay the medical bills. My wife thinks that whatever money she is getting is more than enough for her and she expects part of this money from her. She complains that my mom is distributing this money to my siblings. My siblings are all well off and thankfully they take good care of her. She visits them often and stays with them for extended periods. I am ashamed and living with guilt that I am unable to support my mom. I am unable to fulfil my duties as a son, brother, dad, husband & a friend. She prevents me from visiting my mom atleast once a year. She is very suspicious of my financial activity and strongly belives that I am sending money though she has access to all my accounts. An interesting fact is that her sister is also like her and my co-brother has also been going through exactly same type of issues from her. How can the whole family be affected by BPD? Is that possible? Her family is back to normal, laughing and having fun with in minutes of a heated argumnet. I have noticed that they have very minimal social circle and almost no one vists them. I have kids and I am scared to death that this is not hereditary. They have seen us argue several times and are scared. I feel guilty all the time for making them go through this. My older kid begs me not to divorce her mom and I assured that I am not going to do that. I am suffering this only for the sake of my kids. One of our friends was diagnosed with a life threatening disease a few days ago. The wife of this friend is very close to my wife and they often discuss and share their issues with one another for hours and hours. Just because I offered help to them in their time of crisis, my wife started saying bad things about my friends wife. This girl who has been her best friend, suddenly became her worst enemy. Now she is even accusing me of having a relationship with her. She tries to threaten me that she will uncover this affair by talking to my friend and his wife. They are already going through tough times and they don't need this insanity at this time. On one hand she doesn't want me to discuss her behavior with anyone and on the other hand she abuses me with this nonsense. I am unable to bear this suffering and continue in a demanding job. I cannot resign from the job as this is our only source of income. I have tried everything from marriage counselling, anti-depressants for both of us, threatening, trying to teach her what is right/wrong - nothing worked. I am spending most of my time including weekends at work unable to go through this insane behavior. I have stopped talking to her since a month and sleep separately in a different bedroom. She drags me into arguments, even though I stoped talking to her. I am currently going through counselling for myself. I am desperately in need of help to perform my basic duties as a son and as a parent. Please advise on how I can help myself and live with dignity. My next step is to read the "Walking on egg shells" book and see if I can apply the tools mentioned in the book. | |||
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