Cheating is a "symptom" - that hurt!

I don't know if he got that from his therapist, but he said "cheating is a symptom" in a discussion right after he left IC, so I'm guessing he may have heard it there. Less than 2 weeks since D-Day, and I'm still reeling. I had mentioned MC a day or two after finding out about his affair, and he freaked out because he had blown up when we were in couples counseling about a year ago - he got angry at me AND the counselor when I broached his spending problem. He wouldn't go back. But he had already started IC for anxiety, and continues to this day (he hadn't brought up the affair in counseling until after D-Day though). So when he freaked at my mention of MC, I insisted he tell his IC therapist about the affair, and he did - he's been twice so far since D-Day. I figured counseling for him at this point is at least a start. Plus, as has been pointed out to me on this site, I'm probably not as ready for R as I thought since STD testing hasn't happened yet. If I'm working toward forgiveness, I can't even know yet if I've found out everything there is to forgive him for, even though I have all the phone and credit card info, etc. MC will come AFTER I know if STD's are in the picture too. Anyway, I couldn't help but feel a strong gut reaction to that statement. It's as if the cheating got minimized, already set aside - "what's the REAL issue here?" Do some counselors think that way? Maybe my husband came up with that himself, but I'm concerned that it was his counselor that is leading him down this path. I said to my husband that I disagreed that cheating is just a symptom, I said it is a HUGE problem in itself! And that we have to deal with it! Yes, the marriage had problems before and we can address those at some point, but I don't think the cheating is JUST a symptom. What I'm going through here is like being hit by a ton of bricks, and from where I sit in this pile right now, these bricks don't look much like a symptom to me! He also said his counselor gave him homework and asked him to think about why he wants to be married to me. This could work, if he thinks of all the positive things about me/us, but I also worried that the therapist could in a way be asking, "are you SURE you want to be married to her?" Especially in the context of this "cheating is a symptom" idea. Am I overly sensitive and paranoid?? He's showing a lot of remorse, apologizing a lot, giving me access to everything, fixing stuff around the house, and even got sick to his stomach yesterday (his anxiety has been so bad). But could his counselor be hindering the healing process? Maybe "cheating as a symptom" didn't come from the counselor - it could be his idea. I should probably ask. Don't you have to do first things first? I mean, yes, we will work on issues that had been problems in the marriage at some point, but don't we have to deal with the devastation that's been done by the affair first? This "symptom" talk felt like blameshifting to me. Am I overreacting?

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