| I asked my husband to leave last Tuesday.....I have another thread that explains more of our details...ongoing problems for years....I have said many times he should leave...this time he did. He told me in October he wanted a divorce, but never left. This led to me nagging and constantly wanting to talk about the relationship. (During the last 4 months I do believe he was actually making small efforts to make things work - I ignoredthem). Finally last week he told me a couple of things that made me feel like a heal. I went to my first counseling session last monday which was eye opening....but on Tuesday I was all over him like usual....he said a few things I was not prepared for and I told him to get out...he left the next morning and said he would be home over the weekend to get more stuff... He came home saturday morning and just left sunday night (he spent most of the time with our daughter - but we had some good friendly conversation ourselves).... I was happy go lucky most of the weekend until I realized he was leaving....we had not disussed this separation so I was clueless...he came upstairs and asked why the sudden change in attitude...I said because he is leaving...he said YOU KICKED ME OUT...and you did it a lot the last few years.... I proceeded to apologize for MY part in the failure of the marriage. Basically - he cheated on me 10 years ago...and long story short - I thought I forgave him but I clearly never did. I had a wall up - I became a *****, our sex life sucked because I did not want to make him happy, I was miserable to be with. This came to me after the counselor on Monday, a male friend on Tuesday and a divorce counselor on Thursday all said - you hhave NOT FORGIVEN the man and have spent 10 years making him feel like **** for something he probably already feels like **** for. He has told me he does not love me anymore and wishes he just left 10 years ago..... But tonite he REALLY listened to me when I told him I was sorry and that I do lvoe him, and I do not think he is the horrible person I probably made him feel like. We have been together for 20 years by the way....I love him more than anything. After I was done talking he did actually hug me which shocked me because I know how angry he is. He said he wsa in a motel last week, but did rent a room with a coworker for 30 days.....and he already paid for it....but he thought we should take the 30 days anyway....he will come by on the weekends to see our daughter....and he said in a few weeks we can try to go out on a date or two if all goes well.... I AM ON THE ROAD to forgiveness...I already feel that wieight lifted......he of course is not convinced..... I am still doing the 180 to a point since I do not want him to think I am a snilveling mess....and I want him to see I WILL be OK without him, but also want him to know I do not want to be without him. I respected his choice to leave tonight, did not beg him to stay or anything and let him go. I am not sure what to do from here....how can I show him I DO FINALLY FORGIVE HIM and do think the world of him if I do not talk or see him? I am thrilled he said lets see what happens since he swore up and down there was nothing left....but this was before last week... .....I do not regret asking him t leave...because if I did not I would not have spoke to the 3 people who have made me realize what a ***** I have been and how I have been reading him so wrong or not at all....but I WANT HIM BACK and to make it better than ever... How do I do this........ | |||
| | |||
| | |||
|
No comments:
Post a Comment