Hi,
I am requesting some support to stay calm and learn from what just happened...
My H is upset with me. He recently asked me to let him fix something b/c if you do it wrong it is hard to undo the mistake. Now, this is a very, very small household item, but I did ignore his request and made the mistake he warned me about (that he now has to fix). I did it b/c I just didn't want to bother him and be so needy.
To be honest, when I've done something like this in the past, I would create a bunch of drama so that I didn't have to face the pain of him being upset with me (terrible, but I am changed). I want very much to continue to change this about myself and have the courage to face the discomfort (and also to assess whether I am receiving fair treatment in this relationship).
The item is small, yes, but it doesn't really change the fact that I completely ignored his request (he often says he feels unheard). I want to discount this a bit, but is that fair? I can see how that could cause him to not feel that he can rely on or trust me around bigger issues (feel a bit like a child though).
"But," if the tables were turned, I do feel that I would be a lot more understanding. I might be like, "arg, dude." But, I also know that I would say something like, "I know you meant well." I'd actually want him to feel better.
He just left to do something that we were going to do together. He said he wanted to go alone. When I asked if something was wrong, he said he wanted to clear his head b/c he was upset about this.
I know that I am the only one who can know for sure, but am I being overly-diplomatic? Or, is he being unnecessarily hard on me?
Thank you for any perspective and encouragement to learn from this.
Kerry
tldr: H is pissed at me over something small. I'm uncomfortable and wondering if this is fair treatment.
I am requesting some support to stay calm and learn from what just happened...
My H is upset with me. He recently asked me to let him fix something b/c if you do it wrong it is hard to undo the mistake. Now, this is a very, very small household item, but I did ignore his request and made the mistake he warned me about (that he now has to fix). I did it b/c I just didn't want to bother him and be so needy.
To be honest, when I've done something like this in the past, I would create a bunch of drama so that I didn't have to face the pain of him being upset with me (terrible, but I am changed). I want very much to continue to change this about myself and have the courage to face the discomfort (and also to assess whether I am receiving fair treatment in this relationship).
The item is small, yes, but it doesn't really change the fact that I completely ignored his request (he often says he feels unheard). I want to discount this a bit, but is that fair? I can see how that could cause him to not feel that he can rely on or trust me around bigger issues (feel a bit like a child though).
"But," if the tables were turned, I do feel that I would be a lot more understanding. I might be like, "arg, dude." But, I also know that I would say something like, "I know you meant well." I'd actually want him to feel better.
He just left to do something that we were going to do together. He said he wanted to go alone. When I asked if something was wrong, he said he wanted to clear his head b/c he was upset about this.
I know that I am the only one who can know for sure, but am I being overly-diplomatic? Or, is he being unnecessarily hard on me?
Thank you for any perspective and encouragement to learn from this.
Kerry
tldr: H is pissed at me over something small. I'm uncomfortable and wondering if this is fair treatment.
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