My H is a very private person. He always has been. One of my biggest frustrations in our relationship is that I can't have what I consider a relaxed, intimate conversation with him.
He will not tell me when he lost his virginity or any of his sexual history. Something about that came up the other day and I asked him again and he just says "That's private. I think some things are no one else's business."
I said "But I'm your wife."
That got me nowhere.
Not knowing is not what bothers me as much as the fact that he doesn't want to tell me. Is that possibly just a girl/guy thing where the woman wants to have these intimate talks and the guy just does not? I know men don't talk about personal things as much as women in general but I never felt this frustration in past relationships that I just could not broach certain subjects.
He had relationships prior to me, but I don't think very many. I think part of his reluctance is that he thinks it's wrong to talk about a woman you had sex with, or, I guess it's possible I am his first, though I want to say not probable.
I had a couple long term boyfriends and was married once before him.
He also doesn't want to hear about my past. He is very buttoned down - for example he will drink occasionally but has never tried pot or any other drugs. I dabbled quite a bit when I was a teen. I understand a man not wanting to hear about his wife sleeping with other men, but I can't tell ANY story from my teens or wilder days without him seeming extremely judgmental and disapproving.
And if I want to say something that happened in my first marriage or with any person I dated before him, he's gotten to where he will tolerate it but he clearly doesn't like it, so I generally try to avoid it.
I can go weeks without thinking about this, but when it comes up, I feel frustrated and disappointed, like there is this place of intimacy - knowing each other - that we will never get to. He says he loves me so much, but why doesn't he want to know about things that shaped me? It really feels like he's emotionally handicapped to me, but also like there kind of a control thing in it, like "I know you want this from me and I'm not going to give it." But maybe he just can't.
We are supposed to do the Marriage Builders program (in case any of you are familiar with it). After much persistence from me, he finally said something like "I will do this thing with you but I hope you don't think I'm going to start telling you things about myself."
I now know this was delusional, but when we were dating I really thought "one he relaxes and trusts me he will open up." but that never happened. He says he's told me more than anyone ever but things like this virginity thing leave me feeling frustrated.
Any thoughts?
He will not tell me when he lost his virginity or any of his sexual history. Something about that came up the other day and I asked him again and he just says "That's private. I think some things are no one else's business."
I said "But I'm your wife."
That got me nowhere.
Not knowing is not what bothers me as much as the fact that he doesn't want to tell me. Is that possibly just a girl/guy thing where the woman wants to have these intimate talks and the guy just does not? I know men don't talk about personal things as much as women in general but I never felt this frustration in past relationships that I just could not broach certain subjects.
He had relationships prior to me, but I don't think very many. I think part of his reluctance is that he thinks it's wrong to talk about a woman you had sex with, or, I guess it's possible I am his first, though I want to say not probable.
I had a couple long term boyfriends and was married once before him.
He also doesn't want to hear about my past. He is very buttoned down - for example he will drink occasionally but has never tried pot or any other drugs. I dabbled quite a bit when I was a teen. I understand a man not wanting to hear about his wife sleeping with other men, but I can't tell ANY story from my teens or wilder days without him seeming extremely judgmental and disapproving.
And if I want to say something that happened in my first marriage or with any person I dated before him, he's gotten to where he will tolerate it but he clearly doesn't like it, so I generally try to avoid it.
I can go weeks without thinking about this, but when it comes up, I feel frustrated and disappointed, like there is this place of intimacy - knowing each other - that we will never get to. He says he loves me so much, but why doesn't he want to know about things that shaped me? It really feels like he's emotionally handicapped to me, but also like there kind of a control thing in it, like "I know you want this from me and I'm not going to give it." But maybe he just can't.
We are supposed to do the Marriage Builders program (in case any of you are familiar with it). After much persistence from me, he finally said something like "I will do this thing with you but I hope you don't think I'm going to start telling you things about myself."
I now know this was delusional, but when we were dating I really thought "one he relaxes and trusts me he will open up." but that never happened. He says he's told me more than anyone ever but things like this virginity thing leave me feeling frustrated.
Any thoughts?
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