Hello,
My wife and I got together when we were pretty young, I was ~19 and she ~17. We've been together for about 11 years, married for 6, and we have a lovely 1 year old daughter. Our marriage is good, great in fact. She's gorgeous, we're a perfect match for each, our daughter is the best thing ever...I just feel very lucky for the life we have.
Here's the thing -- we got together early in life and have been monogamous ever since. Neither of us was very sexually experienced when it happened. Being a few years older than her, I at least had a chance to sleep with a few women before we got together, but she was a virgin. Recently she's been having a sort of mid-life crisis. She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few years after we got together (has had it for 7-8 years now) and while I don't believe she is at her half-way point in life, she fears that she is. It's been making her think about the things she hasn't done, and may never be able to do in this life.
We have a very honest and trusting marriage. She has told me that one of those things is knowing what it's like to sleep with someone else. I know she wouldn't go out and sleep with someone behind my back, but that being said, I don't want her to live (and eventually die) having regrets like that...especially one's that have to do with our relationship. We know we were lucky to find each other, and in a lot a ways lucky to have done it so early in life, but I don't want her to wonder if it happened too early, you know?
Today, I began thinking about the possibility of giving her a pass to sleep with someone else. I want her to be happy more than anything, and while part of me thinks it might be a mistake, another part of me thinks that this is exactly the reason why we are right for each other. I consider myself a pretty evolved person. I honestly think that I could be okay with doing this so long as we approach it the right way, have certain rules in place, etc. But I'm uncertain. I have doubts, fears. What if she does it and starts to cheat because she liked it a little too much? What if she does it, doesn't like it, and is left with nothing but a guilt that never goes away (she's that type of person)? What if she does it and I start to resent her? Would doing something like this ruin our relationship or reassert just how special and amazing it is?
If you've done this, tell me your story. Do you have any advice? What would be some good rules to have? What's a good way to approach it?
My wife and I got together when we were pretty young, I was ~19 and she ~17. We've been together for about 11 years, married for 6, and we have a lovely 1 year old daughter. Our marriage is good, great in fact. She's gorgeous, we're a perfect match for each, our daughter is the best thing ever...I just feel very lucky for the life we have.
Here's the thing -- we got together early in life and have been monogamous ever since. Neither of us was very sexually experienced when it happened. Being a few years older than her, I at least had a chance to sleep with a few women before we got together, but she was a virgin. Recently she's been having a sort of mid-life crisis. She was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few years after we got together (has had it for 7-8 years now) and while I don't believe she is at her half-way point in life, she fears that she is. It's been making her think about the things she hasn't done, and may never be able to do in this life.
We have a very honest and trusting marriage. She has told me that one of those things is knowing what it's like to sleep with someone else. I know she wouldn't go out and sleep with someone behind my back, but that being said, I don't want her to live (and eventually die) having regrets like that...especially one's that have to do with our relationship. We know we were lucky to find each other, and in a lot a ways lucky to have done it so early in life, but I don't want her to wonder if it happened too early, you know?
Today, I began thinking about the possibility of giving her a pass to sleep with someone else. I want her to be happy more than anything, and while part of me thinks it might be a mistake, another part of me thinks that this is exactly the reason why we are right for each other. I consider myself a pretty evolved person. I honestly think that I could be okay with doing this so long as we approach it the right way, have certain rules in place, etc. But I'm uncertain. I have doubts, fears. What if she does it and starts to cheat because she liked it a little too much? What if she does it, doesn't like it, and is left with nothing but a guilt that never goes away (she's that type of person)? What if she does it and I start to resent her? Would doing something like this ruin our relationship or reassert just how special and amazing it is?
If you've done this, tell me your story. Do you have any advice? What would be some good rules to have? What's a good way to approach it?
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