Hello everyone. I'm new to this site but I have been looking for a place to ask advice about my marriage and this seems like a good community to get some help.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for almost 3. I am 31 and he is 30. When we first started dating I worked 2 jobs (6 days a week) and he went to school 2 and a half hours away. We only saw each other every other weekend, plus his room mate never left us alone so we would have sex once a month sometimes twice if we were lucky.
I assumed this would change when we moved in together but sex was always infrequent with us. We had a lot of issues during our relationship, we both lost our jobs at one point, depression, bankruptcy, losing our home, family members passing away suddenly, we were separated for a few months while I took care of my mother after she had a mastectomy and chemo,etc, so I wasn't too concerned with our less than fulfilling sex life.
I tried to initiate sex several times till I got tired of being rejected. He was always too tired, or too stressed. I eventually found out that he was flirting with women online, telling them he was single, though they were all long distance and he hadn't slept with any of them. I forgave him and we moved on.
After our situation improved I wanted our sex life to improve but it didn't. I once again tried to initiate but his response was always I'm too tired right now. When I would bring up the fact that it had been 2 or 3 or 4 months since we had last had sex, he would respond "Oh really? Well we can have sex now if you want". It always hurt when he said that but I always said yes because I wanted to have sex. I've always had a high sex drive and felt like I was climbing the walls.
Before we got married, we talked about the things we wanted in our marriage, where we wanted to live, how we would raise our children and so on. I told him I wanted to have sex at least once a week. Physical intimacy is important and he agreed. We had just moved to our new apartment a week before we got married so we agreed to have a fresh start.
We had sex on our wedding night and again a week later but then months passed.
In August it will be 1 year since we last had sex. I brought up the fact that it had been so long and he gave his usual response of "well we can have sex now if you want" and I snapped and told him no. Those words didn't get me in the mood much to his surprise since I had always agreed before.
I don't know what to do. I don't just want to be a chore to him, something he needs to get done in the week. I don't want our sex life to be an afterthought. I want to be wanted. I want him to seduce me and make me his. I want him to want to have sex with me when I initiate it (I haven't initiated in months, the rejection just got to be too painful), but the truly sad thing is that the longer it goes on now, the less I care.
In my head I'm thinking about what my life will be like when we are no longer together, will I meet someone who wants me, and am I just wasting my life with a man who doesn't truly love me?
I do love my husband. In every other way we are perfect together but this is just eating away at my heart and making me lose any desire to be with him. It hurts because I don't want to leave him but it feels like he is pushing me away. Or perhaps because its been going on for so long he thinks I'll just keep accepting ti or something.
So any advice?
Sorry this is so long.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for almost 3. I am 31 and he is 30. When we first started dating I worked 2 jobs (6 days a week) and he went to school 2 and a half hours away. We only saw each other every other weekend, plus his room mate never left us alone so we would have sex once a month sometimes twice if we were lucky.
I assumed this would change when we moved in together but sex was always infrequent with us. We had a lot of issues during our relationship, we both lost our jobs at one point, depression, bankruptcy, losing our home, family members passing away suddenly, we were separated for a few months while I took care of my mother after she had a mastectomy and chemo,etc, so I wasn't too concerned with our less than fulfilling sex life.
I tried to initiate sex several times till I got tired of being rejected. He was always too tired, or too stressed. I eventually found out that he was flirting with women online, telling them he was single, though they were all long distance and he hadn't slept with any of them. I forgave him and we moved on.
After our situation improved I wanted our sex life to improve but it didn't. I once again tried to initiate but his response was always I'm too tired right now. When I would bring up the fact that it had been 2 or 3 or 4 months since we had last had sex, he would respond "Oh really? Well we can have sex now if you want". It always hurt when he said that but I always said yes because I wanted to have sex. I've always had a high sex drive and felt like I was climbing the walls.
Before we got married, we talked about the things we wanted in our marriage, where we wanted to live, how we would raise our children and so on. I told him I wanted to have sex at least once a week. Physical intimacy is important and he agreed. We had just moved to our new apartment a week before we got married so we agreed to have a fresh start.
We had sex on our wedding night and again a week later but then months passed.
In August it will be 1 year since we last had sex. I brought up the fact that it had been so long and he gave his usual response of "well we can have sex now if you want" and I snapped and told him no. Those words didn't get me in the mood much to his surprise since I had always agreed before.
I don't know what to do. I don't just want to be a chore to him, something he needs to get done in the week. I don't want our sex life to be an afterthought. I want to be wanted. I want him to seduce me and make me his. I want him to want to have sex with me when I initiate it (I haven't initiated in months, the rejection just got to be too painful), but the truly sad thing is that the longer it goes on now, the less I care.
In my head I'm thinking about what my life will be like when we are no longer together, will I meet someone who wants me, and am I just wasting my life with a man who doesn't truly love me?
I do love my husband. In every other way we are perfect together but this is just eating away at my heart and making me lose any desire to be with him. It hurts because I don't want to leave him but it feels like he is pushing me away. Or perhaps because its been going on for so long he thinks I'll just keep accepting ti or something.
So any advice?
Sorry this is so long.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment