Some of you may have followed FlowerChild's threads, and some of you may know that she has a new boyfriend, which is me. I'm Aang. She introduced me to this site, and encouraged me to join.
As FlowerChild's boyfriend, I want to help her. I know that I can't fix her and I accept that but I do want to help her in any way I can. So I'm here for suggestions on what I can do, if anything, and what I shouldn't do.
The extent of the abuse was:
1. Her ex was physically abusive. He punched her, slapped her, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her, grabbed her head and smashed it on the wall, a fridge, a table, etc. He would grab her neck and shake her, he would throw heavy objects at her, held a knife to her throat, pushed her, kicked her and would put out his cigarettes on her.
2. Verbally abusive. He called her every name in the book even though she's none of them.
3. He held her hostage. Her and her son. He wouldn't allow them to go outside. He would order groceries online and have them delivered. FlowerChild is an outdoorsy type and she loves nature so this was hard. He wouldn't let them go outside.
4. He didn't let her have friends or interact with others. He would do everything he could to sabotage any chance of her interacting with others. She had no social interaction unless it was with him or with their son.
5. He sabotaged her online job offer.
6. He restricted her food consumption even though she's 20 pounds less than what she should be to be a healthy weight. She's very thin. Not anorexic thin, but thin. If she lost anymore weight, she would be considered anorexic.
She should be 120, but she ranges from 97-100.
He wouldn't allow her to eat when she wanted. He would control what she ate/drank, and when she ate/drank.
7. He forced her to have sex with him. He choked her while forcing her to have sex. He was aware that she was raped repeatedly when she was younger and would laugh at her and mock her for it. He raped her so that she could " relive " her childhood.
So, granted, she has PTSD. One time, I hugged her and she got really scared because it brought back the times her ex would hold her down.
She's afraid of being ridiculed for watching a show, because her ex would yell at her for wanting to watch something. She's afraid of being ridiculed for doing anything because her ex ridiculed her for anything and everything.
I can't fix her, I know that. But is there anything I can do to help her? Anything I shouldn't do? What do I do if she's in a flashback moment?
A few days ago, she wasn't moving, she was just staring at the ground and was starting to cry. I knew she was remembering something her ex did, so I hugged her.
But when she's getting emotional, having a flashback, what can I do to help her and comfort her?
P.S: she is on a waiting list to get therapy appropriate for her needs.
Any advice, suggestions, feedback, is welcome, and if anyone has any questions, please ask.
As FlowerChild's boyfriend, I want to help her. I know that I can't fix her and I accept that but I do want to help her in any way I can. So I'm here for suggestions on what I can do, if anything, and what I shouldn't do.
The extent of the abuse was:
1. Her ex was physically abusive. He punched her, slapped her, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her, grabbed her head and smashed it on the wall, a fridge, a table, etc. He would grab her neck and shake her, he would throw heavy objects at her, held a knife to her throat, pushed her, kicked her and would put out his cigarettes on her.
2. Verbally abusive. He called her every name in the book even though she's none of them.
3. He held her hostage. Her and her son. He wouldn't allow them to go outside. He would order groceries online and have them delivered. FlowerChild is an outdoorsy type and she loves nature so this was hard. He wouldn't let them go outside.
4. He didn't let her have friends or interact with others. He would do everything he could to sabotage any chance of her interacting with others. She had no social interaction unless it was with him or with their son.
5. He sabotaged her online job offer.
6. He restricted her food consumption even though she's 20 pounds less than what she should be to be a healthy weight. She's very thin. Not anorexic thin, but thin. If she lost anymore weight, she would be considered anorexic.
She should be 120, but she ranges from 97-100.
He wouldn't allow her to eat when she wanted. He would control what she ate/drank, and when she ate/drank.
7. He forced her to have sex with him. He choked her while forcing her to have sex. He was aware that she was raped repeatedly when she was younger and would laugh at her and mock her for it. He raped her so that she could " relive " her childhood.
So, granted, she has PTSD. One time, I hugged her and she got really scared because it brought back the times her ex would hold her down.
She's afraid of being ridiculed for watching a show, because her ex would yell at her for wanting to watch something. She's afraid of being ridiculed for doing anything because her ex ridiculed her for anything and everything.
I can't fix her, I know that. But is there anything I can do to help her? Anything I shouldn't do? What do I do if she's in a flashback moment?
A few days ago, she wasn't moving, she was just staring at the ground and was starting to cry. I knew she was remembering something her ex did, so I hugged her.
But when she's getting emotional, having a flashback, what can I do to help her and comfort her?
P.S: she is on a waiting list to get therapy appropriate for her needs.
Any advice, suggestions, feedback, is welcome, and if anyone has any questions, please ask.
Put the internet to work for you.
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