Hey everyone. I've got a real coming out problem. I'm a 19 year old guy and I've still not told anybody I'm gay. Nobody suspects it because I don't act in an obviously gay way, I don't have gay mannerisms nor the typical gay high voice, so i'm apparently straight. I've also had a relationship with a girl in the past for nearly 3 years with many break ups. This relationship ended because although I absolutely loved the girl, i couldn't love her on that sexual level. I stayed with her for companionship. People suspected I was gay when I was a child (I wore high heels and pretended I was cruella devill LOL) but they were reassured when I went out with my girlfriend. I realised I was gay when I seemed to find guys more attractive than girls. I'm not interested in girls at all nor am I fascinated by boobs.
I'm really scared about talking to my dad about this - my mum died years ago and he's a single parent. I have no siblings so he'll never be a grandad, he won't be at my wedding when I kiss my bride. My dad doesn't really like gay people, he makes fun of them all the time (they're easy to make fun of with the way they're portrayed), and I don't know if he'll accept me. It makes me uncomfortable when he talks about me getting a girlfriend, when he taps me saying "that girls looking at you over there". I just give him the excuse that I "don't like humans" and pretend to act antisocial. I feel like I can't be myself around others and I feel socially awkward, like I have to monitor all my actions so people don't suspect I'm gay.
Any of you guys had similar experiences? I would really appreciate some advice, i want to come out because the problem will only get worse when I get to university. I feel awkward when girls look at me as though they're attracted to me because I am an okay looking guy..
Thank you for any comments/support!
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