A wife's advice to all the husbands

I'm seeing a lot of posts from husbands whose wives are uninterested in sex. I am a wife who loves her husband but dismally uninterested in sex. Which is what made me come to this forum to begin with. So before Anon Pink tells everyone to get divorced, I hope I can give some insight from the other side of the fence. My husband and I had/have a lot of hurdles, both individually and as a couple. As a result, I literally can't stay out of my head. As the day progresses, every tiny (and big) thing is a seed: cloths on the floor, no gas in the car, an unpaid bill, the hair on his back. I know these things are stupid, but they annoy me. And then when he climbs into bed, my feeling is, he doesn't want me, he just wants to ****. And when he does certain things, like caress my back, or gentle kisses, I know he's only doing it because he wants to ****. And I don't want to just have sex. I want to be really loved. Sometimes his way of showing affection is by rubbin g my back, but he does it so roughly and while I'm sleeping! I know if I tell my husband this he would say "what's the point, it's not like I can do anything to make you want me" But that's not true. Women need to feel certain things, safe, respected, cared for, trusted, secure... these are the things that make us want to be with you. There are other things like excitement/adrenaline, joy, laughter... the positive things that should outweigh the annoying things. I would say you should stop trying to have sex, and maybe try making her feel these other things. Make her feel in other ways. Spend some time and very gently touch her all over, but not with the intention of intercourse. Sex is in our minds, it's a head game so you have to break through in that way. I hope that makes sense. In my opinion, the problem for women is that we can't offer you any guidance here. My husband knows me better than I know myself in a lot of ways. I know that sex should be a by-product of oth er things and it's fueled by emotion, but how to define those other things and emotions, it may be different for everyone. So there's my rant. One thing I realized in my own experience is that the physical interaction of sex is a smaller part of something else. I think men enjoy sex more too when they have the other aspects as well.

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