Background - short version of a long story: I was LD wife for almost 30 years of our marriage. Had a sexual awakening almost 9 or so years ago. Became a HD wife. Then had problems with menopause, lost the ability to orgasm, fought to get it back with therapy and hormone treatment. Husband started having issues and we have been dealing with it (sort of). Anyways we are each other's first and only - been married a long time and get along fairly well.
About a year ago, my desire level began to decline again. Lots of reasons play into this, including major family stress situations, some health issues on my part and since I am being honest, some resentment issues towards my husband also on my part. For most of this past year, I was able to keep the sexual part of our relationship going, even though my desire level was declining, however lately, for about a month now, I just can't seem to anymore. I am tired of it all and frankly sex with my husband has become a chore that I want to avoid.
I don't want to return to my previous years LD state where sex was not important to me, but sadly, that seems to be where I am headed again.
I do a lot of thinking by writing and responding so looking for some help here.
Hubby and I are in our late 50's. We don't make love - we "do" each other, so to speak. And sex takes time and a lot of effort these days. Quickies are a thing of the past. Hubby seldom orgasms with intercourse or with oral sex. We usually have to work hard to bring him to an orgasm, most often with vigorous hand jobs and some form of anal stimulation.
He says he has lost a lot of sensitivity in his penis. A lot of times he loses his erection when he attempts intercourse, but we can get it back and finish the job - with a lot of effort from both of us. While I try to tell myself it's not me, it's ageing, etc. - It still feels like a blow to my ego - and it hurts. It should not matter, because intercourse does not do much for me in the pleasure department, but it does bother me that we seldom have intercourse now. I am the one that does the research and tries to find solutions to both of our issues.
It is the same for me - getting to an orgasm takes time and a lot of effort and often requires a vibrator to finish.
None of this was an issue before, but lately it is all getting to me. I just can't find the energy or desire to keep this going anymore. Perhaps it's time to let nature take its course and let our sex life die, but I don't much care for that solution either.
Thought, ideals, suggestions? :confused:
About a year ago, my desire level began to decline again. Lots of reasons play into this, including major family stress situations, some health issues on my part and since I am being honest, some resentment issues towards my husband also on my part. For most of this past year, I was able to keep the sexual part of our relationship going, even though my desire level was declining, however lately, for about a month now, I just can't seem to anymore. I am tired of it all and frankly sex with my husband has become a chore that I want to avoid.
I don't want to return to my previous years LD state where sex was not important to me, but sadly, that seems to be where I am headed again.
I do a lot of thinking by writing and responding so looking for some help here.
Hubby and I are in our late 50's. We don't make love - we "do" each other, so to speak. And sex takes time and a lot of effort these days. Quickies are a thing of the past. Hubby seldom orgasms with intercourse or with oral sex. We usually have to work hard to bring him to an orgasm, most often with vigorous hand jobs and some form of anal stimulation.
He says he has lost a lot of sensitivity in his penis. A lot of times he loses his erection when he attempts intercourse, but we can get it back and finish the job - with a lot of effort from both of us. While I try to tell myself it's not me, it's ageing, etc. - It still feels like a blow to my ego - and it hurts. It should not matter, because intercourse does not do much for me in the pleasure department, but it does bother me that we seldom have intercourse now. I am the one that does the research and tries to find solutions to both of our issues.
It is the same for me - getting to an orgasm takes time and a lot of effort and often requires a vibrator to finish.
None of this was an issue before, but lately it is all getting to me. I just can't find the energy or desire to keep this going anymore. Perhaps it's time to let nature take its course and let our sex life die, but I don't much care for that solution either.
Thought, ideals, suggestions? :confused:
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