Hello, last year I ended up in a situation with a coworker. In my mind, I was justifying it as a friendship but over time he became more assertive in his feelings for me and we exchanged emails over several weeks. When he became more assertive, I didn't stop it - he was telling me he wished he met me before I got married, or that I was attractive and he missed his chance, etc. I was flattered and liked the attention and had lately felt like my husband wasn't giving me attention. But I knew if the tables were turned I'd be livid.
My husband saw the emails and I came to realize I had been having an "emotional affair" on one level. On another level, I never wanted a relationship with my coworker - I love my husband and kids more than anything. I am guilty of spending time emailing and talking to a male that isn't my husband (taking time away from my marriage) and also of not ending it when it became clear that he wanted more than friends (even though he always said he knew I was married and wouldn't go there, his actions seemed to suggest otherwise with the email frequency and intensity).
Anyway this was nearly a year ago - everything when the affair was discovered was a nightmare but over the last year things have been much better. We are rebuilding trust and things are mostly going great. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of the affair discovery and I am noticing old upset feelings from my husband coming back. Over the last several weeks he has been thinking about everything that happened and every few days he is upset. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know if I should talk about the past? I constantly ask him what is wrong and sometimes he says nothing, other times he says "all of the things that happened."
I feel like we are taking steps backwards when things have been so wonderful. The other thing is - I still work with this coworker but everything is ended (right after, my husband and I emailed him that it was all over), we rarely see one another at work and have limited interaction at meetings. I am (and have been) looking for a new job for the last 10 months.
Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with everything?
My husband saw the emails and I came to realize I had been having an "emotional affair" on one level. On another level, I never wanted a relationship with my coworker - I love my husband and kids more than anything. I am guilty of spending time emailing and talking to a male that isn't my husband (taking time away from my marriage) and also of not ending it when it became clear that he wanted more than friends (even though he always said he knew I was married and wouldn't go there, his actions seemed to suggest otherwise with the email frequency and intensity).
Anyway this was nearly a year ago - everything when the affair was discovered was a nightmare but over the last year things have been much better. We are rebuilding trust and things are mostly going great. We are coming up on the one year anniversary of the affair discovery and I am noticing old upset feelings from my husband coming back. Over the last several weeks he has been thinking about everything that happened and every few days he is upset. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know if I should talk about the past? I constantly ask him what is wrong and sometimes he says nothing, other times he says "all of the things that happened."
I feel like we are taking steps backwards when things have been so wonderful. The other thing is - I still work with this coworker but everything is ended (right after, my husband and I emailed him that it was all over), we rarely see one another at work and have limited interaction at meetings. I am (and have been) looking for a new job for the last 10 months.
Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with everything?
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