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Someone Help Before My Marriage is Destroyed!!

Where do I begin?? I have been married for 15 years and have two wonderful kids ages 9 and 12. I love my husband but,like many other marriages, the intimacy just fades away.

I have had numerous conversations with my husband about our intimacy and how we need to spice it up. It will be ok for a short while and then gradually we are back to square one.

We do all the lingerie,porn and sex toys stuff but, oftentimes I feel like he's in such a rush to get off that I am left neglected. He's 45 and when we first met he was the sex addict and we did it a lot more than we do now.

Now, at 45 his sex drive has diminished. What makes it hard is that he has to take Cialis for a few days for intimacy and it takes the spontaneity out of everything. I know that he is rushing through the sex because psychologically he is worried he'll lose it and then that leaves me unfulfilled.

I use to dislike porn but, now I find myself watching some live videos of a guy and girl and getting my fulfillment that way which sucks BIG TIME!!! I like the real thing.

When we first were together he always took things slow as a woman, not sure how others feel, I need A LOT of foreplay and I like to always wonder what's next. I need stimulation. We have some rough ups and downs in our marriage that's for sure.

As a Dad he is AWESOME with our girls, for that I cannot complain. It is just the intimacy part. Now, just last week he is back on the night shift from 10p-6am and we don't even sleep in the same bed.

He's in to videos games on the PC "Diablo" and he does take time out to ask me if I want to watch a movie but, usually I go up to my room to read my Nook and he goes on the computer.

Now I am wondering if he is just not in to me anymore or if it's the lack of sex drive. I am on Zoloft for anxiety and Depression and I don't know if that has lessened my sex drive and I never had a high libido anyway.

I am tired of going back/forth with the same topic with my husband and that if we don't do something we are going to lose this marriage. I have told him that I have thought about meeting another guy and we cried and he was hurt and he worked on things but, here I am back to square one.

BUT, I really need help NOW, just last week I went looking for married sites looking for other married men with same problem to meet and go from there. BEFORE, anyone freaks out on me, I deleted my profile and removed my picture. I felt awful about it and if I tell him what I did things are going to get ugly. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!

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