I've been with my husband for about eight years and for seven of those years he has been a binge drinker (one year break due to being arrested...drinking related charges, imagine. He did manage to stay sober for most of the year while not in jail, but once it started, it really started. My husband drinks once, maybe twice per week. He does shots, mixed drinks, beer and has no capability of limiting his intake. When he comes home drunk, I hate how he looks, smells, talks, I hate his touch. I physically hate everything about him when he's drunk. If there was a divorce lawyer in front of me when he came home (or even when he left for the bars), I would sign divorce papers with no hesitation if it meant I didn't have to deal with him that night. I've laid in bed hoping he would go home with another woman so he wouldn't come home drunk to me. He slurs, he spits when he talks, he loses the color in his eyes and looks evil, he is loud, he yells, he picks fights, he doesn't care about anyone but himself when he's drunk. At the bar, people best not make eye contact with him when he's drunk or he will start a fight (and believe in his mind that the other person caused the fight--after being sober a couple days, he realizes that he was the jackass).
Since he drinks so much, he doesn't wake up sober. He wakes up still drunk and wants sex (and to fight if I don't want sex...or make threats to leave). To be honest, if he would just leave at those moments, I probably wouldn't care. It's a big game though. He will tell me he is done and that he is moving out....then by the end of the day he is hugging and kissing me, apologizing, saying it's going to slow down. I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm fed up beyond words. I love him sober. I HATE him drunk. I hate everything about him that has to do with alcohol.
I'm beyond Al-Anon. I'm at the point if he can't stay sober, then I don't want this marriage. However, I stay. Here I am. Complaining to you people because I physically can't ask for a divorce because of the voice that says he might be sober someday. Someday all the lies of quitting drinking will come true. Someday he will appreciate me enough to quit bringing alcohol in my house. Until then, I'll just dream of a life without having to worry about when he is going to drink and who is going to walk in my door at 2am. Yes, I'm scared of him drunk. He is a horrible narcissistic person when he is drunk (or when he has the urge to drink).
I feel like I got off my chest, but I still need to deal with all this. I can't imagine another year of my life worrying about his drinking. As I'm sure you figured out, he is at the bar now (second time, he went two days ago too). I'm the one working because it makes more sense for me to work (I make more with my degree) and him to stay home with kids. The kids (so far) have always slept through his drunken B.S!
I'm an ER nurse. I'm suppose to be tough, but I feel like my voice is so tiny and I'm screaming to be heard, but nothing is coming out. I just bottle up all this negative energy and it burns as hate when I hear the dreaded words, "I'm heading to the bar for a couple".
Since he drinks so much, he doesn't wake up sober. He wakes up still drunk and wants sex (and to fight if I don't want sex...or make threats to leave). To be honest, if he would just leave at those moments, I probably wouldn't care. It's a big game though. He will tell me he is done and that he is moving out....then by the end of the day he is hugging and kissing me, apologizing, saying it's going to slow down. I'm EXHAUSTED. I'm fed up beyond words. I love him sober. I HATE him drunk. I hate everything about him that has to do with alcohol.
I'm beyond Al-Anon. I'm at the point if he can't stay sober, then I don't want this marriage. However, I stay. Here I am. Complaining to you people because I physically can't ask for a divorce because of the voice that says he might be sober someday. Someday all the lies of quitting drinking will come true. Someday he will appreciate me enough to quit bringing alcohol in my house. Until then, I'll just dream of a life without having to worry about when he is going to drink and who is going to walk in my door at 2am. Yes, I'm scared of him drunk. He is a horrible narcissistic person when he is drunk (or when he has the urge to drink).
I feel like I got off my chest, but I still need to deal with all this. I can't imagine another year of my life worrying about his drinking. As I'm sure you figured out, he is at the bar now (second time, he went two days ago too). I'm the one working because it makes more sense for me to work (I make more with my degree) and him to stay home with kids. The kids (so far) have always slept through his drunken B.S!
I'm an ER nurse. I'm suppose to be tough, but I feel like my voice is so tiny and I'm screaming to be heard, but nothing is coming out. I just bottle up all this negative energy and it burns as hate when I hear the dreaded words, "I'm heading to the bar for a couple".
Put the internet to work for you.
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