My wife told me it was over on March 1st.
Her reasons: she felt we'd grown apart over several years and while she tried to get my attention I continued to shut her out and it got to the point where she decided enough was enough.
We tried counseling - at least I tried - she just went along for the ride.
I'm 38 and she's 34. We have two kids - a boy who is 5 and a girl who will be 3 in July.
We lost our first child back in November of 2008 - and honestly - I think I can trace a lot of our problems back to that. I've read that the loss of a child destroys a lot of marriages.
I'm not without blame. It takes two to tango, right? I'm guilty of not following through emotionally - and I won't get into details about why I think she's wrong in this regard and I am right and so on.
Personally, I think we had a great relationship - we faced some tough issues: the loss of a child, jobs with conflicting hours and really a lack of support from family (it always felt like an inconvenience when we'd ask someone to watch our kids to go out). Maybe that's the greatest tragedy - we had a great relationship and it just finally took enough hits where it couldn't survive.
Anyway - it is what it is. I want to keep fighting - she does not - and I am not willing to put the kids through the hell of a nasty divorce. We are approaching it as adults - working side-by-side to come up with the best plan possible. We will be fair and if all we have left is to be great co-parents - that is what we'll be.
I know I need to be strong for myself and my kids - and I have been. Part of me wants this to happen (even if I cannot admit it) - but I cannot truthfully deny it, either.
We probably were not making one another happy - and that we can agree on - the sticking point is that I feel we can work (or should at least try) to make one another happy again and she is resolute in her decision.
All this said - I'm both excited and scared for the future. I'm probably more scared right now than anything else - I'm not so much scared of being alone as I am scared of not finding someone like her.
I'm sad that I'm losing 50% of my children's childhood.
I'm scared about my living situation. She doesn't want the house and if I scrimped and saved and cut back on everything I could probably just afford it - but that's not realistic - nor should I want to be so strapped that I cannot live life.
I'm having to come to terms with losing my wife - the woman I still love deeply and having to think about what this will do to my kids and having to give up the house I thought would be my place of residence until they hauled my out when I was old.
It's a lot to process and it hurts a lot.
I'm doing my best to make my peace with the situation. I'm going to get through this. If I could get through the loss of a child - I can get through this. I'm still young - I'm healthy - I'm outgoing and friendly - I'll be just fine.
...just so wish it didn't have to be this way. :(
Her reasons: she felt we'd grown apart over several years and while she tried to get my attention I continued to shut her out and it got to the point where she decided enough was enough.
We tried counseling - at least I tried - she just went along for the ride.
I'm 38 and she's 34. We have two kids - a boy who is 5 and a girl who will be 3 in July.
We lost our first child back in November of 2008 - and honestly - I think I can trace a lot of our problems back to that. I've read that the loss of a child destroys a lot of marriages.
I'm not without blame. It takes two to tango, right? I'm guilty of not following through emotionally - and I won't get into details about why I think she's wrong in this regard and I am right and so on.
Personally, I think we had a great relationship - we faced some tough issues: the loss of a child, jobs with conflicting hours and really a lack of support from family (it always felt like an inconvenience when we'd ask someone to watch our kids to go out). Maybe that's the greatest tragedy - we had a great relationship and it just finally took enough hits where it couldn't survive.
Anyway - it is what it is. I want to keep fighting - she does not - and I am not willing to put the kids through the hell of a nasty divorce. We are approaching it as adults - working side-by-side to come up with the best plan possible. We will be fair and if all we have left is to be great co-parents - that is what we'll be.
I know I need to be strong for myself and my kids - and I have been. Part of me wants this to happen (even if I cannot admit it) - but I cannot truthfully deny it, either.
We probably were not making one another happy - and that we can agree on - the sticking point is that I feel we can work (or should at least try) to make one another happy again and she is resolute in her decision.
All this said - I'm both excited and scared for the future. I'm probably more scared right now than anything else - I'm not so much scared of being alone as I am scared of not finding someone like her.
I'm sad that I'm losing 50% of my children's childhood.
I'm scared about my living situation. She doesn't want the house and if I scrimped and saved and cut back on everything I could probably just afford it - but that's not realistic - nor should I want to be so strapped that I cannot live life.
I'm having to come to terms with losing my wife - the woman I still love deeply and having to think about what this will do to my kids and having to give up the house I thought would be my place of residence until they hauled my out when I was old.
It's a lot to process and it hurts a lot.
I'm doing my best to make my peace with the situation. I'm going to get through this. If I could get through the loss of a child - I can get through this. I'm still young - I'm healthy - I'm outgoing and friendly - I'll be just fine.
...just so wish it didn't have to be this way. :(
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