Every forum has a dedicated cadre of members who think confidence is the solution to all problems. I get it.
However this forum seems to take it to the next level.
I mean if you fail a test at uni you're told to study harder.
If you want to run 3km within a certain time limit you're told to train more, or better.
If you want to learn how to play the piano you're told to practice.
You're not told to be more confident! And if you are it's simply to provide a harmonious psychological state that doesn't interfere with your performance. Confidence is not supposed to be the mainstay of your strategy in life.
Yet if someone here states that they can't get a relationship because they think they're ugly (presumably we should believe them given they're in the best position to make such assessments), well these people are told not to make themselves more physically attractive but to work on their confidence.
Just recently a poster was told NOT to form a relationship because his confidence was not high enough and that he should wait until he was more confident.
What?
Can someone here explain the importance of confidence to me, I mean maybe I've missed something?
Confidence automatically adjusts to its appropriate level (baring rare situations such as depression or mental illness). It doesn't need to be artificially inflated. If you're successful in whatever endeavour you're undertaking, EG dancing or football, then you'll be really confident when you do those things in the future. If you're not good at those things then you wont be confident. The confidence itself however plays little role in your performance. A confident person who tries dancing but is hopeless at dancing is still going to be hopeless at dancing.
Now of course you can extrapolate this same logic to dating and relationships. Telling someone who is physically unattractive and who gets rejected before they can try and make personality driven connections with people they're interested in is asinine advice and probably more counter productive than helpful.
I think the problem is people see others who are successful in dating and who are confident and assume that the reason that person is successful is because they're confident, when it was the success that caused the confidence. A chicken or the egg scenario.
If you want to improve your dating life then work on your looks, your wealth or your education or social status (or just your looks if you're a woman :) ). The confidence will come later.
Put the internet to work for you.
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