Hi all.
Posting this in the ladies lounge as I am wondering if other women here have dealt with this before, but men are also welcome to respond.
A while ago my husband and I were having some conflict over whether his father could stay with us or be in our place unattended.
Known issues:
* He has an active gambling addiction
* Depending on his mood can be very angry and constantly critical (although not as often with us as other family members). He's also kind of expectant and thankful, like if we go out to dinner it's assumed we will pay, which we would in ant case, but he never says thank you and it gets to me when he spends that time criticising or guilt tripping my husband
* He also looks at porn, which is none of my business, but it is when it's under my roof. My husband is a sex addict in recovery and I don't want his dad using our computer on our network in our house when we're out to look at porn.
Suspected but not confirmed:
* My wedding ring went missing around one time he stayed with us. I can't know for sure of it was him but he was the only one around that time who was in our place unattended.
* Suspect he may be dealing prescription opiates with my husband's junkie brother who he lived with until now. We know for a fact that he was for a while but I don't know if that's continuing now. I am doubtful though because husband's bro lives 5 hours away.
The complication is that after years of health struggles, he has now been given 6-12 months to live and is now staying with us, and with my husband's sister (taking turns).
I am pretty uncomfortable but really trying to put my feelings to one side while my husband does his best to deal with the news and to accommodate his father.
Since the news, he has stayed with us twice. The first time all he did was slag off the house we bought, saying it was a mistake and we shouldn't have bought it, that it's crap etc. Just really critical and on our case about everything related to the house. Because I'm pregnant (but probably more because I couldn't help myself because I am sick of him putting me and my husband down) I snapped back a few times and husband wasn't too happy about that.
Second time he was OK mood wise. But we were out at work during the day and he rang me for our computer password to look at eBay and i gave it to him. Of course I checked browser history when I got home. I could see there was activity in the morning but history and cookies were cleared. I suspect he looked at porn on our computer in our house. I hope I am wrong.
Both times when he stayed with us recently (and for a while now) I have found him kind of leering at me. I noticed he does this generally when there's "something to see", but it's been more intense lately and it made me really uncomfortable. I don't get the feeling he would ever try to touch me or that he would be inappropriate beyond being pervy. I have not told my husband about this and I don't intend to because he is going through enough and I think it would hurt him. But it's just uncomfortable having to feel like I need to cover my boobs with my arms or wear long loose tops that cover my butt. The other night we were at dinner and I was wearing a long dress and it wasn't low cut but if I bent down a bit or sat a certain way, the top of my cleavage was visible. Not jumping out, but if you're looking for it you might see it. And he was sitting across from me and he kept looking at my boobs and I felt really uncomfortable.
So when he's over and I want to relax and settle in for the night I am wearing loose clothes and may ng sure I feel covered. I would normally be modest with any male around but I find I am going the extra measure with him. But i just find him looking at me alot and I feel angry, and then I feel bad because he's dying and I don't know if I have a lot of love in my heart for this man that means the world to my husband, as messed up as he is.
So, it's a **** situation but I'm doing my best to deal with it. I will probably snip back at him here and there when he's critical hut I will do my best to zip it. I am installing a net nanny tonight. And in relation to the perving...
I am wondering if I should say something bold to him when my husband's jot present, like just call him out on it and tell him to keep his eyeballs in his head or something. He wouldn't say anything to my husband because he wouldn't want to take the chance of him believing me or asking me about it.
Had anyone here dealt with this stuff before, particularly pervy in laws? Did you just put up with it or how did you deal with it? Did the perving escalate to other things?
Posting this in the ladies lounge as I am wondering if other women here have dealt with this before, but men are also welcome to respond.
A while ago my husband and I were having some conflict over whether his father could stay with us or be in our place unattended.
Known issues:
* He has an active gambling addiction
* Depending on his mood can be very angry and constantly critical (although not as often with us as other family members). He's also kind of expectant and thankful, like if we go out to dinner it's assumed we will pay, which we would in ant case, but he never says thank you and it gets to me when he spends that time criticising or guilt tripping my husband
* He also looks at porn, which is none of my business, but it is when it's under my roof. My husband is a sex addict in recovery and I don't want his dad using our computer on our network in our house when we're out to look at porn.
Suspected but not confirmed:
* My wedding ring went missing around one time he stayed with us. I can't know for sure of it was him but he was the only one around that time who was in our place unattended.
* Suspect he may be dealing prescription opiates with my husband's junkie brother who he lived with until now. We know for a fact that he was for a while but I don't know if that's continuing now. I am doubtful though because husband's bro lives 5 hours away.
The complication is that after years of health struggles, he has now been given 6-12 months to live and is now staying with us, and with my husband's sister (taking turns).
I am pretty uncomfortable but really trying to put my feelings to one side while my husband does his best to deal with the news and to accommodate his father.
Since the news, he has stayed with us twice. The first time all he did was slag off the house we bought, saying it was a mistake and we shouldn't have bought it, that it's crap etc. Just really critical and on our case about everything related to the house. Because I'm pregnant (but probably more because I couldn't help myself because I am sick of him putting me and my husband down) I snapped back a few times and husband wasn't too happy about that.
Second time he was OK mood wise. But we were out at work during the day and he rang me for our computer password to look at eBay and i gave it to him. Of course I checked browser history when I got home. I could see there was activity in the morning but history and cookies were cleared. I suspect he looked at porn on our computer in our house. I hope I am wrong.
Both times when he stayed with us recently (and for a while now) I have found him kind of leering at me. I noticed he does this generally when there's "something to see", but it's been more intense lately and it made me really uncomfortable. I don't get the feeling he would ever try to touch me or that he would be inappropriate beyond being pervy. I have not told my husband about this and I don't intend to because he is going through enough and I think it would hurt him. But it's just uncomfortable having to feel like I need to cover my boobs with my arms or wear long loose tops that cover my butt. The other night we were at dinner and I was wearing a long dress and it wasn't low cut but if I bent down a bit or sat a certain way, the top of my cleavage was visible. Not jumping out, but if you're looking for it you might see it. And he was sitting across from me and he kept looking at my boobs and I felt really uncomfortable.
So when he's over and I want to relax and settle in for the night I am wearing loose clothes and may ng sure I feel covered. I would normally be modest with any male around but I find I am going the extra measure with him. But i just find him looking at me alot and I feel angry, and then I feel bad because he's dying and I don't know if I have a lot of love in my heart for this man that means the world to my husband, as messed up as he is.
So, it's a **** situation but I'm doing my best to deal with it. I will probably snip back at him here and there when he's critical hut I will do my best to zip it. I am installing a net nanny tonight. And in relation to the perving...
I am wondering if I should say something bold to him when my husband's jot present, like just call him out on it and tell him to keep his eyeballs in his head or something. He wouldn't say anything to my husband because he wouldn't want to take the chance of him believing me or asking me about it.
Had anyone here dealt with this stuff before, particularly pervy in laws? Did you just put up with it or how did you deal with it? Did the perving escalate to other things?
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