So I have been on this forum for some time and I must say that at times its a way to get out my feelings and talk to some other people since this topic of SEX seems to be an issue.
This has been a week from hell however the last 6 months have been very interesting kind of experiment and I would like INPUT from the women based on the facts I am about to share:
First I have had conversations with my wife now for the last 3 years about sex and how we can work together to have a plan to improve and grow our relationship.
Every time I bring it up she tends to hang on some incidents and she refers to them as EVERY DAY, EVERY TIME, ANY TIME ( extreme description) The last time we discussed sex and making marriage priorities it was like 3 months ago and before that 3 months before...when i do bring it up - she said she feels pressure... and that I talk about it every day and every hour ..
...yet we have no plan, no solution and no ideas - - she seems
to avoid the solution all of the time.
She said that I am unhappy..she has a belief that I am an unhappy person ...this belief I think she holds onto. She mixes me wanting to be the best at my work and what I do with that I am unhappy.. I am a super achiever and I want to be the best ...
...the other things that is driving me nuts is ...
We dont have sex. We had sex one time in the last 6 months and when I have a discussion she states all of the pressure..my question is how pressuresome is sex once in 6 months ....
She tells me what I should be doing at work and gets a bit kind of huffy almost as if I intentionally dont think and she wants to teach me ..yet it makes e feel kind of disrespected especially when she rides me on something I need to do ..
In the last two years before I made almost 500k in income, we have no bills, no huge debt, we both work out 5 days a week.
My routine is this. I wake up every day around 5-6 am, get ready for work - wake up my wife whos sleeping before I leave to get my own breakfast at a cafe ...before work.
I work all day and usually after work I pick up my daughter..then either pick up dinner or we go out for dinner, my wife gives bath to daughter and then usually almost every night I put my daughter to sleep... when I come out to room my wife is usually on the computer until 10 pm at night ..if I do initiate its that she is tired ....
The times when my wife says I give her weird looks or act mean - is when she tells me what to do in a demeaning tone or negative tone...
A huge part of my upset in life these days has to do with the fact that I truly want to spend my time with wife..I want to have sex and want her to want to have sex..
Over the last 6 months. I havent even pressed the issue of sex with her , havent really asked about it and left her mostly alone during this time to see how the lack of pressure would be if I just didnt initiate .. I must say that its even worse now... I also detached myself more from expecting any..or being attached to have sex...
I didnt see her initiate with me or suggest we even have sex. perhaps a handful of times she gave me a sensual massage...
This whole thing drives me NUTS... I feel as if our sex is on hold...why would she withhold sex from me for this long when I have been even nicer..less pressure or asking and yet she seems even more tired ...than the last 6 months ..
I stay up later now and sit by myself and think to myself ....what have i done to deserve this lack of sex.. what is wrong with me .
I work out 5 times per week and to be honest...I transformed who I am ..yet I am now feeling like what is the point of going to the gym ..she doesnt seem to respond to me being in shape either..she says wow you have changed for the better yet no sex...
Its like she ignores all of this .. Lately there has been stress with business for the last few weeks however she always seems to have issues with what I am doing, things I miss with finances, and seems to pick on all of the little things without highlighting all of the positive things that I am doing or that I contribute ..
We had a conversation about work and talked about how she feels with me and how I act .. I listened and shared and shared that lack of us spending time and sex is making me wonder - where I am messing up.. I cant be mean 24 hours a day and 7 days a week..for real ...? I know its not true .....
When I shared things I do to show that I care.. like getting her lunch , picking up food, doing things to make things easier for her ..her response is ...WHEN .. I dont remember ..so she seems to hang on the thought of one of my negatives for days and misses all of the positives ..
In addition because of her snapping and yelling at me in addition to feeling very tired and run down over the last year I suggested to go to doctor for a check up ..
She said That I am pressuring her again ..and to let her breathe .. I just dont know what to do because she isnt even being pressured and she feels pressure ...and because shes tired and pressured she seems debiliatated..
I had thoughts of doing more fitness and doing some things for me that make me happy and give me joy .. I also had a thought if I get up earlier and work out 2 x per day .. that perhaps she might say .. wow he has lost of energy and why dont I feel energized ...
I also wanted to switch off some of my things I do ..and shift my life with some different things for me .. I was looking at expenses and I also thought hmm what if I used some of the money I spend on things I really want to do to grow as a person vs some other expenses ...
SO here I am , I do support my wife - I earn money, take out trash, fold my clothes she washes, go shopping for groceries, help with my daughter ,,,and yet I am pressuring her and she states that I treat her like my *****... ( she gets confused when she screams at me - and then my face turns red and looks weird - that is called shock - or feeling bad from her talking to me like I am stupid - when I react to her doing that she doesnt like how I look at her after she screams at me )
So there seems to be a huge influence on her emotions from probably adrenal fatigue or hormones and imbalance for her to feel pressure when she actually has a great life and a lot of support from me .....yet it seems to be distorted by what
she is going through .. she is 47 now ..and I feel like our
love life is on hold .. the question is why ?
What do I do with myself ?
Even when I am nice and buy her dinner and take her out and I treat her great actually all of the time . That doesnt get noticed and no sex ..
I never disrespect my wife..even if she makes a mistake I
never talk down to her at all ...
I am nice and never threaten her or yell at her unless she starts yelling at me and picking on me ..
Her reality seems a bit distorted .. and I am feeling like an
enemy that actually feels like i am her ***** .. I do tons of
things a bunch of work and all to make things easier and
then on top of that she doesnt want to spend any time with
me romantically..shed rather sleep ...
What do I do ?
What changes can I make that would help this ?
WHY has it been so long with no progress ?
I know 100% that I am a great guy, nice , loving and go out of my way for her yet why do I feel like she ****s on me ...?
Its really driving me nuts .. I want us to get back what we had.
I have been asking myself lately where my wife has gone ..the
sex is on hold for me and I have even asked that we take a communications class or class on relationship to progress this part of our life ..like a project for us to grow ...
and after all of this I ask ,, why am I trying so hard to make all of this work and she doesn't seem invested in this ?
Any Ladies out there with some insights that feel would work ?
Or any guys who transformed their marriages from NO SEX to SEX 2-3 times per week ?
I have heard about the negative ideas from people whish dont seem to match my heart.. Like leave her , divorce papers, nd move out .. I just feel there must be a way that doesnt get crazy .....
Appreciate the listening
Thanks,
This has been a week from hell however the last 6 months have been very interesting kind of experiment and I would like INPUT from the women based on the facts I am about to share:
First I have had conversations with my wife now for the last 3 years about sex and how we can work together to have a plan to improve and grow our relationship.
Every time I bring it up she tends to hang on some incidents and she refers to them as EVERY DAY, EVERY TIME, ANY TIME ( extreme description) The last time we discussed sex and making marriage priorities it was like 3 months ago and before that 3 months before...when i do bring it up - she said she feels pressure... and that I talk about it every day and every hour ..
...yet we have no plan, no solution and no ideas - - she seems
to avoid the solution all of the time.
She said that I am unhappy..she has a belief that I am an unhappy person ...this belief I think she holds onto. She mixes me wanting to be the best at my work and what I do with that I am unhappy.. I am a super achiever and I want to be the best ...
...the other things that is driving me nuts is ...
We dont have sex. We had sex one time in the last 6 months and when I have a discussion she states all of the pressure..my question is how pressuresome is sex once in 6 months ....
She tells me what I should be doing at work and gets a bit kind of huffy almost as if I intentionally dont think and she wants to teach me ..yet it makes e feel kind of disrespected especially when she rides me on something I need to do ..
In the last two years before I made almost 500k in income, we have no bills, no huge debt, we both work out 5 days a week.
My routine is this. I wake up every day around 5-6 am, get ready for work - wake up my wife whos sleeping before I leave to get my own breakfast at a cafe ...before work.
I work all day and usually after work I pick up my daughter..then either pick up dinner or we go out for dinner, my wife gives bath to daughter and then usually almost every night I put my daughter to sleep... when I come out to room my wife is usually on the computer until 10 pm at night ..if I do initiate its that she is tired ....
The times when my wife says I give her weird looks or act mean - is when she tells me what to do in a demeaning tone or negative tone...
A huge part of my upset in life these days has to do with the fact that I truly want to spend my time with wife..I want to have sex and want her to want to have sex..
Over the last 6 months. I havent even pressed the issue of sex with her , havent really asked about it and left her mostly alone during this time to see how the lack of pressure would be if I just didnt initiate .. I must say that its even worse now... I also detached myself more from expecting any..or being attached to have sex...
I didnt see her initiate with me or suggest we even have sex. perhaps a handful of times she gave me a sensual massage...
This whole thing drives me NUTS... I feel as if our sex is on hold...why would she withhold sex from me for this long when I have been even nicer..less pressure or asking and yet she seems even more tired ...than the last 6 months ..
I stay up later now and sit by myself and think to myself ....what have i done to deserve this lack of sex.. what is wrong with me .
I work out 5 times per week and to be honest...I transformed who I am ..yet I am now feeling like what is the point of going to the gym ..she doesnt seem to respond to me being in shape either..she says wow you have changed for the better yet no sex...
Its like she ignores all of this .. Lately there has been stress with business for the last few weeks however she always seems to have issues with what I am doing, things I miss with finances, and seems to pick on all of the little things without highlighting all of the positive things that I am doing or that I contribute ..
We had a conversation about work and talked about how she feels with me and how I act .. I listened and shared and shared that lack of us spending time and sex is making me wonder - where I am messing up.. I cant be mean 24 hours a day and 7 days a week..for real ...? I know its not true .....
When I shared things I do to show that I care.. like getting her lunch , picking up food, doing things to make things easier for her ..her response is ...WHEN .. I dont remember ..so she seems to hang on the thought of one of my negatives for days and misses all of the positives ..
In addition because of her snapping and yelling at me in addition to feeling very tired and run down over the last year I suggested to go to doctor for a check up ..
She said That I am pressuring her again ..and to let her breathe .. I just dont know what to do because she isnt even being pressured and she feels pressure ...and because shes tired and pressured she seems debiliatated..
I had thoughts of doing more fitness and doing some things for me that make me happy and give me joy .. I also had a thought if I get up earlier and work out 2 x per day .. that perhaps she might say .. wow he has lost of energy and why dont I feel energized ...
I also wanted to switch off some of my things I do ..and shift my life with some different things for me .. I was looking at expenses and I also thought hmm what if I used some of the money I spend on things I really want to do to grow as a person vs some other expenses ...
SO here I am , I do support my wife - I earn money, take out trash, fold my clothes she washes, go shopping for groceries, help with my daughter ,,,and yet I am pressuring her and she states that I treat her like my *****... ( she gets confused when she screams at me - and then my face turns red and looks weird - that is called shock - or feeling bad from her talking to me like I am stupid - when I react to her doing that she doesnt like how I look at her after she screams at me )
So there seems to be a huge influence on her emotions from probably adrenal fatigue or hormones and imbalance for her to feel pressure when she actually has a great life and a lot of support from me .....yet it seems to be distorted by what
she is going through .. she is 47 now ..and I feel like our
love life is on hold .. the question is why ?
What do I do with myself ?
Even when I am nice and buy her dinner and take her out and I treat her great actually all of the time . That doesnt get noticed and no sex ..
I never disrespect my wife..even if she makes a mistake I
never talk down to her at all ...
I am nice and never threaten her or yell at her unless she starts yelling at me and picking on me ..
Her reality seems a bit distorted .. and I am feeling like an
enemy that actually feels like i am her ***** .. I do tons of
things a bunch of work and all to make things easier and
then on top of that she doesnt want to spend any time with
me romantically..shed rather sleep ...
What do I do ?
What changes can I make that would help this ?
WHY has it been so long with no progress ?
I know 100% that I am a great guy, nice , loving and go out of my way for her yet why do I feel like she ****s on me ...?
Its really driving me nuts .. I want us to get back what we had.
I have been asking myself lately where my wife has gone ..the
sex is on hold for me and I have even asked that we take a communications class or class on relationship to progress this part of our life ..like a project for us to grow ...
and after all of this I ask ,, why am I trying so hard to make all of this work and she doesn't seem invested in this ?
Any Ladies out there with some insights that feel would work ?
Or any guys who transformed their marriages from NO SEX to SEX 2-3 times per week ?
I have heard about the negative ideas from people whish dont seem to match my heart.. Like leave her , divorce papers, nd move out .. I just feel there must be a way that doesnt get crazy .....
Appreciate the listening
Thanks,
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