I met my wife in 2005, and throughout dating, throughout engagement, throughout marriage, it's just been this CONSTANT roller coaster ride of: We hardly have sex, I get upset (internally) that we're not having sex, I admit to myself it's not going to change and vow to forget about sex, I break down in a week and talk to her about it, we have pitty sex and the cycle starts over.
Yes I married into it (I know) and we have kids (0 and 2), but I've always had the hopeless romantic complex where the one I'm with is totally the one (until they break up with me and then I can see why they weren't) so I feel compelled to make it work. But as I said married with kids now, and i'm kinda stuck. I love the kids to death so I have to stay, but how do I make it so it's not a living hell?
I've tried EVERYTHING to make it work. I've talked to her about it (which almost always ends in her saying she knows somethings wrong but she never goes to a Dr. or changes), I've treated her like a queen (flowers, romance, dinners), I've tried being not so nice, I've tried begging, I've tried being aggressive, I've tried fishing for ideas, asking outright for kinks/ideas. I've told her 'i wish just for once you'd come into the room, throw your clothes off, and jump on me.' But the majority of times we have sex (and the frequency is once a month on average) it starts with me asking if she wants to (in many different ways) and her saying 'no i really dont want to', which totally kills my mood, then she says 'oh well you're upset so let's go do it'...which makes me feel like now it's a chore for her and I know she's not into it so i dont want to...and so we either go do it as a chore or she gets mad 'that i'm acting weird' and goes to bed. And it's not that I dont pay attention to her, I've told her 'babe even if you just want me to go down on you and that's it I love doing that just let me know'. There's not even any play during the day, I said the other day can you just kiss me every now and then out of the blue? I mean I call her hot twice a day, smack her butt, kiss her randomly, go rawr (however you make the cat noise). I make her feel sexy but god forbid I wrap my arms around her and try to be intimate for 5 seconds. She almost runs away from it.
So I guess now I'm asking how do I get off my own roller coaster. I can't stop myself from being pulled back into the loop every time she throws out starfish pitty sex once a month. It's like a drug, I try to get off the stuff but I can't stop. Porn is a temporary relief but it doesn't fill that emotional gap. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. It consumes my thoughts. How do people deal with this situation?
Yes I married into it (I know) and we have kids (0 and 2), but I've always had the hopeless romantic complex where the one I'm with is totally the one (until they break up with me and then I can see why they weren't) so I feel compelled to make it work. But as I said married with kids now, and i'm kinda stuck. I love the kids to death so I have to stay, but how do I make it so it's not a living hell?
I've tried EVERYTHING to make it work. I've talked to her about it (which almost always ends in her saying she knows somethings wrong but she never goes to a Dr. or changes), I've treated her like a queen (flowers, romance, dinners), I've tried being not so nice, I've tried begging, I've tried being aggressive, I've tried fishing for ideas, asking outright for kinks/ideas. I've told her 'i wish just for once you'd come into the room, throw your clothes off, and jump on me.' But the majority of times we have sex (and the frequency is once a month on average) it starts with me asking if she wants to (in many different ways) and her saying 'no i really dont want to', which totally kills my mood, then she says 'oh well you're upset so let's go do it'...which makes me feel like now it's a chore for her and I know she's not into it so i dont want to...and so we either go do it as a chore or she gets mad 'that i'm acting weird' and goes to bed. And it's not that I dont pay attention to her, I've told her 'babe even if you just want me to go down on you and that's it I love doing that just let me know'. There's not even any play during the day, I said the other day can you just kiss me every now and then out of the blue? I mean I call her hot twice a day, smack her butt, kiss her randomly, go rawr (however you make the cat noise). I make her feel sexy but god forbid I wrap my arms around her and try to be intimate for 5 seconds. She almost runs away from it.
So I guess now I'm asking how do I get off my own roller coaster. I can't stop myself from being pulled back into the loop every time she throws out starfish pitty sex once a month. It's like a drug, I try to get off the stuff but I can't stop. Porn is a temporary relief but it doesn't fill that emotional gap. I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. It consumes my thoughts. How do people deal with this situation?
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