Hi,
Well, I've posted about sex and various other relationship dynamics before, but I have a different issue here related to my wife and her dynamics with her children. Let me explain. I have 3 children, 14 and 18 yr old girls (Freshman and Senior in HS), and a 20 yr old son (working and earning money for college). My wife has 14 and 16 yr old boys. The issue is my wife's relationship with her kids vs her relationship with me, particularly when it comes to her 14 yr old.
My wife has always admired tall men, and as such she's delighted that her boys are both 5'10 (and the one is only 14). The 14 yr old is an AVID basketball player. My wife played basketball in HS (she is 5'6, however....) and she and he spend a lot of time talking basket ball. Each evening, she goes outside with him and spends quite a bit of time watching him, rebounding for him and playing with him at his request. Often, that leaves me to clean up the dinner dishes. She spends a good deal of time watching him play video games, again at his request, and when we're getting ready to relax after dinner and perhaps watch a movie, he always plops down next to her on the couch (where I would normally sit) and watches with us, often with his head on her shoulder. If he needs a drink of water or a napkin or a snack, he asks her for it and she goes and fetches it for him. On a whim, I asked her to grab me a glass of water once and she asked me why I couldn't get it myself. Her son is over-the-top grateful for everything she does, thanking her profusely for each thing she does for him and telling he he loves her. On the other side of it, I hear things such as "Mom, it's after 11, shouldn't you be in bed" and her response, "Oh.,....I'm sorry, I must have let time get away from me", after which she heads off to bed in the same manner my daughters do when we have the reverse conversation.
Often, when we're not sitting around at the table for dinner, I'll wind up eating alone at the breakfast bar while she takes her dinner outside to watch her son play basketball.
There are issues when I find fault with anything my wife's boys do, particularly the 14 yr old. If I complain about something, she'll say, "How do you know it wasn't one of your kids?"...even if my kids are at their mom's for the week. When I protest, she says, "Well, if you didn't see him do it, you don't know it was one of them, do you?" and the issue will be forgotten. Even if they're caught dead to rights doing something sneaky, nothing comes of it.
I guess it sounds like I'm a bit jealous of the attention the 14 yr old boy and his brother (not so much) get. I suppose I am a bit, inasmuch as once she's done doing things with them, she has little or no energy left for me in terms of sex or anything else, as she has to get to bed early to get up for work and suffers a bit from chronic pain. This is not always the case, and things have gotten better in that area, but it's still unpleasant.
Honestly, I wouldn't ask this question here except that my children have literally come to ask me what the relationship really is between my wife and her 14yr old. They think it's creepily like what they think her relationship should be with me.
The boys father lives 3 hours away and doesn't see his kids often...less than once every 3 months, and they call him on and off. I have my kids every other week for a week and am heavily involved in their sports, academics and after school activities.
I wonder if others have run into issues such as these....my kids are really wondering why things are like this, and why. I've tried to approach her to discuss this thing, but she's unwilling to talk about it and tells me I'm making things up and getting myself all worked up over nothing.
I can accept that I may be a bit paranoid and somewhat jealous, but we don't have that much time to ourselves, and I'm just not sure what my course of action should be here.
I'd welcome any advice.
TJB
Well, I've posted about sex and various other relationship dynamics before, but I have a different issue here related to my wife and her dynamics with her children. Let me explain. I have 3 children, 14 and 18 yr old girls (Freshman and Senior in HS), and a 20 yr old son (working and earning money for college). My wife has 14 and 16 yr old boys. The issue is my wife's relationship with her kids vs her relationship with me, particularly when it comes to her 14 yr old.
My wife has always admired tall men, and as such she's delighted that her boys are both 5'10 (and the one is only 14). The 14 yr old is an AVID basketball player. My wife played basketball in HS (she is 5'6, however....) and she and he spend a lot of time talking basket ball. Each evening, she goes outside with him and spends quite a bit of time watching him, rebounding for him and playing with him at his request. Often, that leaves me to clean up the dinner dishes. She spends a good deal of time watching him play video games, again at his request, and when we're getting ready to relax after dinner and perhaps watch a movie, he always plops down next to her on the couch (where I would normally sit) and watches with us, often with his head on her shoulder. If he needs a drink of water or a napkin or a snack, he asks her for it and she goes and fetches it for him. On a whim, I asked her to grab me a glass of water once and she asked me why I couldn't get it myself. Her son is over-the-top grateful for everything she does, thanking her profusely for each thing she does for him and telling he he loves her. On the other side of it, I hear things such as "Mom, it's after 11, shouldn't you be in bed" and her response, "Oh.,....I'm sorry, I must have let time get away from me", after which she heads off to bed in the same manner my daughters do when we have the reverse conversation.
Often, when we're not sitting around at the table for dinner, I'll wind up eating alone at the breakfast bar while she takes her dinner outside to watch her son play basketball.
There are issues when I find fault with anything my wife's boys do, particularly the 14 yr old. If I complain about something, she'll say, "How do you know it wasn't one of your kids?"...even if my kids are at their mom's for the week. When I protest, she says, "Well, if you didn't see him do it, you don't know it was one of them, do you?" and the issue will be forgotten. Even if they're caught dead to rights doing something sneaky, nothing comes of it.
I guess it sounds like I'm a bit jealous of the attention the 14 yr old boy and his brother (not so much) get. I suppose I am a bit, inasmuch as once she's done doing things with them, she has little or no energy left for me in terms of sex or anything else, as she has to get to bed early to get up for work and suffers a bit from chronic pain. This is not always the case, and things have gotten better in that area, but it's still unpleasant.
Honestly, I wouldn't ask this question here except that my children have literally come to ask me what the relationship really is between my wife and her 14yr old. They think it's creepily like what they think her relationship should be with me.
The boys father lives 3 hours away and doesn't see his kids often...less than once every 3 months, and they call him on and off. I have my kids every other week for a week and am heavily involved in their sports, academics and after school activities.
I wonder if others have run into issues such as these....my kids are really wondering why things are like this, and why. I've tried to approach her to discuss this thing, but she's unwilling to talk about it and tells me I'm making things up and getting myself all worked up over nothing.
I can accept that I may be a bit paranoid and somewhat jealous, but we don't have that much time to ourselves, and I'm just not sure what my course of action should be here.
I'd welcome any advice.
TJB
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