I guess you could say my husband and I are unofficially separated. I have rented an apartment and have put a few new things in it but won't be moving in more things until next week. My husband knows, but I'm choosing to keep everything from my 8.5 year-old son because he has some major state testing next week and I don't want to distract him from that. In fact, I wish I could wait until summer, but I just can't do this anymore. My heart is broken at this point.
Long story short, we've been going to counseling off and on since September. He goes, but doesn't really hear what is being said. I go weekly, with or without him. I have been treated for depression and know and acknowledge my issues....I am willing to admit my mistakes and where I go wrong. I would move heaven and Earth to fix this marriage for our sake and our son's sake. Him though? As he flat-out stated last week, "I'm not going to change." He has been saying he would do XYZ when the counselor is present, but as I worried all along, nothing is long-term. The worst part? According to him, it's all my fault. All of it. I'm irrational, I'm psycho...he does not admit any fault at all.
I have been fighting relentlessly to keep our family together. He originally wanted a separation last October and I refused. We agreed to work on it and things have been up and down since. I have, in desperation, decided that his original idea is my last resort to saving our marriage. My lease is for 5 months (not because I think it will be fixed in that time, but it was the most affordable deal). I'm certainly prepared to extend it. I'm not naive enough to believe that I'll be welcomed back with open arms. I would love for him to wake up and see that he misses not only our son, but me as well. I would love for him to see that he does have faults because it takes two to tangle, so to speak. I do have my problems, but he's not as perfect as he likes to pretend.
I know my user name sort of sounds like I want to fly free....birds as a symbol mean a lot to me in general. I do want to fly....I want to fly free, rather than feel caged in this deep depression and sadness. But I want to take flight with my son and husband by my side as a family. I want to soar happily in the future rather than nurse these broken wings and heart.
Thank you for reading.
Long story short, we've been going to counseling off and on since September. He goes, but doesn't really hear what is being said. I go weekly, with or without him. I have been treated for depression and know and acknowledge my issues....I am willing to admit my mistakes and where I go wrong. I would move heaven and Earth to fix this marriage for our sake and our son's sake. Him though? As he flat-out stated last week, "I'm not going to change." He has been saying he would do XYZ when the counselor is present, but as I worried all along, nothing is long-term. The worst part? According to him, it's all my fault. All of it. I'm irrational, I'm psycho...he does not admit any fault at all.
I have been fighting relentlessly to keep our family together. He originally wanted a separation last October and I refused. We agreed to work on it and things have been up and down since. I have, in desperation, decided that his original idea is my last resort to saving our marriage. My lease is for 5 months (not because I think it will be fixed in that time, but it was the most affordable deal). I'm certainly prepared to extend it. I'm not naive enough to believe that I'll be welcomed back with open arms. I would love for him to wake up and see that he misses not only our son, but me as well. I would love for him to see that he does have faults because it takes two to tangle, so to speak. I do have my problems, but he's not as perfect as he likes to pretend.
I know my user name sort of sounds like I want to fly free....birds as a symbol mean a lot to me in general. I do want to fly....I want to fly free, rather than feel caged in this deep depression and sadness. But I want to take flight with my son and husband by my side as a family. I want to soar happily in the future rather than nurse these broken wings and heart.
Thank you for reading.
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