I am kinda new here. I have responded to a few threads here. Even created a few. I think I am starting to feel a little safer with you guys.
I am looking for both male and female input. I want to know if you may have any words of wisdom for how to over come sexual issues for those with CSA (child sexual abuse) and rape in there past. I seem to be having a most difficult time getting past all this stuff.
I have read a few things here that obviously didn't take the person into consideration who have been threw rape or CSA. To help others understand, to help a loved one who has been in that situation or your self in that situation do you have any words of advice.
I will tell you my hang ups in the bed room:
1. I have a hypersensitive response to touch. It scares me for the most part. (I was made to stand and be an object for some one to do horrible things to as a child/teen) So I don't really like touch that much. I freeze and don't return affection and sexual touches.
2. I dissociate after a few minutes of sex. I turn my brain off, and I turn it back on later to see if my H is done with me. If not I just turn it off again.
3. I am always thinking "please just hurry up and be done with me". I cannot receive pleasure, I don't feel worthy. I cannot let down my guard down. (see the thread about consuming alcohol to have a more willing partner that someone made)
4. The medications I am on have killed my sex drive. Zoloft. Darn that evil medicine. I hardly ever want to have sex.
5. I have performance anxiety. If I don't have "O"'s he feels hurt, like he can't get that to happen with his own wife. So I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety.
That is the biggest part of the issues I/We have with sex.
For me combating those issues:
1. I have been known to consume alcohol in order to relax a little.
2. The egg timer is a great asset in my case. (see the egg timer thread someone made) I set it and my H knows to stop after a certain period of time. (20 min is all the receiving of pleasure I can handle, I fear he will go on for an unknown amount of time till he gets the desired result form me, "O"s)
3. The T told us to stop having sex and to let me be the one to decide when we have sex. It felt so good to know I didn't have to have sex to live out my wifely duties, that alone helped our sex life. It relieved the pressure from me, and helped to make boring duty sex go away.
4. I have affirming messages taped to the wall. So i can try to stay present little longer by reading those reaffirming statements.
I know this is a lot of info, but is there any other survivors out there who have words of wisdom or advice that may help please share. What helps you, what helps your spouse, anything.
I just want to have sex and like it, is that to much to ask.
Sorry this was long .
I am looking for both male and female input. I want to know if you may have any words of wisdom for how to over come sexual issues for those with CSA (child sexual abuse) and rape in there past. I seem to be having a most difficult time getting past all this stuff.
I have read a few things here that obviously didn't take the person into consideration who have been threw rape or CSA. To help others understand, to help a loved one who has been in that situation or your self in that situation do you have any words of advice.
I will tell you my hang ups in the bed room:
1. I have a hypersensitive response to touch. It scares me for the most part. (I was made to stand and be an object for some one to do horrible things to as a child/teen) So I don't really like touch that much. I freeze and don't return affection and sexual touches.
2. I dissociate after a few minutes of sex. I turn my brain off, and I turn it back on later to see if my H is done with me. If not I just turn it off again.
3. I am always thinking "please just hurry up and be done with me". I cannot receive pleasure, I don't feel worthy. I cannot let down my guard down. (see the thread about consuming alcohol to have a more willing partner that someone made)
4. The medications I am on have killed my sex drive. Zoloft. Darn that evil medicine. I hardly ever want to have sex.
5. I have performance anxiety. If I don't have "O"'s he feels hurt, like he can't get that to happen with his own wife. So I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety.
That is the biggest part of the issues I/We have with sex.
For me combating those issues:
1. I have been known to consume alcohol in order to relax a little.
2. The egg timer is a great asset in my case. (see the egg timer thread someone made) I set it and my H knows to stop after a certain period of time. (20 min is all the receiving of pleasure I can handle, I fear he will go on for an unknown amount of time till he gets the desired result form me, "O"s)
3. The T told us to stop having sex and to let me be the one to decide when we have sex. It felt so good to know I didn't have to have sex to live out my wifely duties, that alone helped our sex life. It relieved the pressure from me, and helped to make boring duty sex go away.
4. I have affirming messages taped to the wall. So i can try to stay present little longer by reading those reaffirming statements.
I know this is a lot of info, but is there any other survivors out there who have words of wisdom or advice that may help please share. What helps you, what helps your spouse, anything.
I just want to have sex and like it, is that to much to ask.
Sorry this was long .
Put the internet to work for you.
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