here are some ways that i found useful in the process.
I can say i'm very calm now and that even though i still miss my stbxw, I have gotten used to it.
1. use a recorder or cell. play some calm music and talk to record yourself. say things that are positive, on why you are doing better or will be doing better. talk, talk talk and record it all. when you are ready for bed or simply need to relax, play the recording.
the music, or natural sound(thunderstorm, waterfall, etc) in the back ground will help you relax. your recorded voice will be like someone telling you how you should feel, so be positive.
if you fall asleep while listening to it, then it works wonders.
Tibetan healing sounds is great too, you can find 11hrs on youtube.
2. while alone and relaxing, play calmed music or nature sound.
this one is a bit crazy but totally worked for me.
it's mental time travel. relax and while you are totally calmed and not thinking much, start visualizing that moment when you first met your wife. and instead of going along with what has happened, alter the moment.
yes, i said it. alter the story.
Instead of falling in love with her, you didnt. you were only friends. and in the same way alter everything that has happened until now. as if you were editing a story and changing all love into friendship.
then now, that you are back in present moment. jump into the future. but dont live, see it as you are seeing yourself in the present moment. how ever it's years from now.
now picture yourself the way you want to see yourself in 1 or 2 years. keep in mind that you never fell in love with your wife. and keep that thought as you see yourself in the future.
then go back to present moment.
it may take a few tries but the more you do this, the more it will help.
3. Know that the only love you need is your own. know that you dont need anything or anyone to be happy. You can be happy on your own, in fact you lived most of your life alone and happy.
4. A family doesnt always consist of a wife, a husband and kids.
You and your kids(if you have some) are a family even with out her/him.
family doesnt end when the other person is out of the picture.
5. take it one day at a time if you are having a really hard time adapting. do not see the big picture, see it as each day that goes by will release you from your current state.
Think positive and see this as a positive change in your life.
example, i was gaining weight and risking diabetes, now i'm losing weight and eating healthy and exercising and looking better.
even my stbxw acknowledge that i was looking better. :o
6. this can be a quick process if you want it to be, if you keep forcing yourself to stay a victim and like been a victim, then you will remain a victim for a long time.
Wake up!
You managed to live most of your life alone with out someone, why wouldnt you be able to do it again.
did you forget how to? well it's time to remember and go back to your old self.
well i hope some of you that are having a hard time find any of this useful and I been there and know it's hell, but you can rise again and live a wonderful happy life. love yourself first and then you can love someone else.
I can say i'm very calm now and that even though i still miss my stbxw, I have gotten used to it.
1. use a recorder or cell. play some calm music and talk to record yourself. say things that are positive, on why you are doing better or will be doing better. talk, talk talk and record it all. when you are ready for bed or simply need to relax, play the recording.
the music, or natural sound(thunderstorm, waterfall, etc) in the back ground will help you relax. your recorded voice will be like someone telling you how you should feel, so be positive.
if you fall asleep while listening to it, then it works wonders.
Tibetan healing sounds is great too, you can find 11hrs on youtube.
2. while alone and relaxing, play calmed music or nature sound.
this one is a bit crazy but totally worked for me.
it's mental time travel. relax and while you are totally calmed and not thinking much, start visualizing that moment when you first met your wife. and instead of going along with what has happened, alter the moment.
yes, i said it. alter the story.
Instead of falling in love with her, you didnt. you were only friends. and in the same way alter everything that has happened until now. as if you were editing a story and changing all love into friendship.
then now, that you are back in present moment. jump into the future. but dont live, see it as you are seeing yourself in the present moment. how ever it's years from now.
now picture yourself the way you want to see yourself in 1 or 2 years. keep in mind that you never fell in love with your wife. and keep that thought as you see yourself in the future.
then go back to present moment.
it may take a few tries but the more you do this, the more it will help.
3. Know that the only love you need is your own. know that you dont need anything or anyone to be happy. You can be happy on your own, in fact you lived most of your life alone and happy.
4. A family doesnt always consist of a wife, a husband and kids.
You and your kids(if you have some) are a family even with out her/him.
family doesnt end when the other person is out of the picture.
5. take it one day at a time if you are having a really hard time adapting. do not see the big picture, see it as each day that goes by will release you from your current state.
Think positive and see this as a positive change in your life.
example, i was gaining weight and risking diabetes, now i'm losing weight and eating healthy and exercising and looking better.
even my stbxw acknowledge that i was looking better. :o
6. this can be a quick process if you want it to be, if you keep forcing yourself to stay a victim and like been a victim, then you will remain a victim for a long time.
Wake up!
You managed to live most of your life alone with out someone, why wouldnt you be able to do it again.
did you forget how to? well it's time to remember and go back to your old self.
well i hope some of you that are having a hard time find any of this useful and I been there and know it's hell, but you can rise again and live a wonderful happy life. love yourself first and then you can love someone else.
Put the internet to work for you.
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