Seperation Limbo Wanting to reconcile

I've been wanting to type a message here for years and just know getting the guts to do so Without going through the whole backstory Ill start 4 years ago when I first received the "i'm not in love with you" 38 yrs old kids 8 and 5 By my own admission. I'm sure my behavior wascontrolling not from the demanding side but others trying to live up to my standards of perfectionism. Floated through most daily tasks doing only what was needed as far as cleaning, picking up, children. When I heard "I'm not in love with you" It was a huge eyeopener. I changed alot but I dont feel my wife believed it was for real. 3 years ago she had a one night event/affair with someone she had meet years ago professionally but seeked him out online. No contact was rocky. stayed in touch for a few weeks then stopped a few months later contacted him more out of an aggressive nature blaming him for how so felt was feeling. but non the less breaking no contact. I changed completely after the "event" cooking cleaning taking kids to school supportive. helped her through dental hygiene school. 8 months ago after graduating school she moved out. it was a fear i had all along. she comes over most nights I do keep the kids most of the time, she typically keeps them on weekends We are in therapy, she wants us to go to therapy. says she isn't ready to give up. we still attend church together. She has stopped wearing her wedding band. Im very much in love with her. I want to save my family.
the lmbo hurts very much. Ive made mistakes, Ive tried to fix them. I guess i'm seeking advise info from both sides. Is she hurting/ afraid to trust me again. Has she checked out on the marriage/family idea. I trust that God has a plan. Im just looking for a little patience/hope to see it through. Of course im scared of divorce papers showing up in 4 months. Everyones help is appreciated

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