Hey guys,
I have been lurking on these forums for several months and finally decided to register and start a thread on my situation. I'm not married, but I am in a committed relationship that I see leading to marriage, so I would like to sort my issues out before I do.
A little background: I am a 29 year old graduate student. Prior to my current girlfriend, I had one other girlfriend. I didn't kiss a girl until college and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24. So, needless to say, I was a little slower in my sexual development than other guys. I think this has had some lingering effects on my confidence. The real confidence killer, though, was my first relationship. When my ex and I decided to have sex my experience consisted of one ONS. The first time went alright, but I left the next day to go to Europe for a 10 month research trip. We were long distance the whole time, except for maybe six trips home to see her. The second time we had sex I didn't cum and it freaked me out. The next time we tried to have sex I lost my erection. This started a vicious cycle of intense performance anxiety. To top it off, my ex was not in the least bit helpful. Eventually she started in with some cruel taunts: "Can you use your fingers or do those not work either?" "Maybe I should buy a dildo." You get the picture. Anyway, the relationship was dysfunctional to the core and it eventually imploded. I was left feeling very unconfident when it came to sex.
Fast forward a year and a half or so from my breakup. I met another girl (my current gf), and eventually we started dating. We had sex pretty early on, and I had some performance issues. Unlike my ex, she was compassionate and supportive. I used Cialis a few times to get over the hump.
My gf loves me, and I try to be the best boyfriend I can to her. We are very affectionate with each other. We've lived together for several months now, and I don't slack off when it comes to helping out around the house. She is very sweet and funny, and I feel like we are will be there for each other for the long haul.
The issue, though, is my sexual self-confidence. Given my past, it's never been that high and sometimes I have performance issues. I notice these often happen when I have anxiety and stresses in my life. Also, I watch porn. I am not a prolific user, but I feel guilty about watching it, especially because I know my girlfriend does not approve of it. Lately, if I feel like I am losing an erection during sex, I will think about porn to firm it up, but I hate doing that because I feel like I am using her to masturbate. When I feel like this I feel like I am LD, but I know that's not true because I can be very aggressive and HD when I am confident. I can also wonder if I am attracted to my gf, which, again, I know is not true, but it can feel like it when I lose my erection.
Sorry for the rambling. I don't even know if there's a question in there. I guess I was hoping that a couple on this board has gone through an analogous situation and might be able to give me some advice. Any book suggestions, too, would be appreciated.
I have been lurking on these forums for several months and finally decided to register and start a thread on my situation. I'm not married, but I am in a committed relationship that I see leading to marriage, so I would like to sort my issues out before I do.
A little background: I am a 29 year old graduate student. Prior to my current girlfriend, I had one other girlfriend. I didn't kiss a girl until college and I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24. So, needless to say, I was a little slower in my sexual development than other guys. I think this has had some lingering effects on my confidence. The real confidence killer, though, was my first relationship. When my ex and I decided to have sex my experience consisted of one ONS. The first time went alright, but I left the next day to go to Europe for a 10 month research trip. We were long distance the whole time, except for maybe six trips home to see her. The second time we had sex I didn't cum and it freaked me out. The next time we tried to have sex I lost my erection. This started a vicious cycle of intense performance anxiety. To top it off, my ex was not in the least bit helpful. Eventually she started in with some cruel taunts: "Can you use your fingers or do those not work either?" "Maybe I should buy a dildo." You get the picture. Anyway, the relationship was dysfunctional to the core and it eventually imploded. I was left feeling very unconfident when it came to sex.
Fast forward a year and a half or so from my breakup. I met another girl (my current gf), and eventually we started dating. We had sex pretty early on, and I had some performance issues. Unlike my ex, she was compassionate and supportive. I used Cialis a few times to get over the hump.
My gf loves me, and I try to be the best boyfriend I can to her. We are very affectionate with each other. We've lived together for several months now, and I don't slack off when it comes to helping out around the house. She is very sweet and funny, and I feel like we are will be there for each other for the long haul.
The issue, though, is my sexual self-confidence. Given my past, it's never been that high and sometimes I have performance issues. I notice these often happen when I have anxiety and stresses in my life. Also, I watch porn. I am not a prolific user, but I feel guilty about watching it, especially because I know my girlfriend does not approve of it. Lately, if I feel like I am losing an erection during sex, I will think about porn to firm it up, but I hate doing that because I feel like I am using her to masturbate. When I feel like this I feel like I am LD, but I know that's not true because I can be very aggressive and HD when I am confident. I can also wonder if I am attracted to my gf, which, again, I know is not true, but it can feel like it when I lose my erection.
Sorry for the rambling. I don't even know if there's a question in there. I guess I was hoping that a couple on this board has gone through an analogous situation and might be able to give me some advice. Any book suggestions, too, would be appreciated.
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