There are several issues here, but the main one is lack of sex. I met my wife 3.5 years ago on Eharmony. I'm now 62 and she is 67 years old. Neither of us look our age. Any man would consider her to be a really good looking woman and she draws attention if we go out and she is "fixed up". I don't have a jealous bone in my body, so I'm actually proud she looks good and is with me. She is a widow...her husband died in 2005 and we met in 2010. I was concerned about her being a widow (not the same as being divorced) and said so in our early communication, but was assured that she was "over" the loss, was lonely, and was ready for another relationship. I'm not naive enough to think that she does not still love her deceased husband...that's typical. When we met in person, it was instant chemistry and we very quickly fell in love. She started moving in with me, as she expressed early on that she wanted out of the small town she had moved to after her husband die d to be closer to her daughter, and my home was in a larger city and only 85 miles away. She also said she was lonely on weekends because her girlfriends were all married and busy with their husbands on weekends. Sex between us was very good...not the best I've ever had, but just fine. Of course, at first it was every 3-4 days, gradually tapering off to about once every 5-8 days, which was fine. She never initiated, unless you count sitting next to me on the couch as initiating. We would have at least one "date night" per week, going to a restaurant/pub nearby that we both liked, and 90% of the time it was fun for both of us. Sex would sometimes happen when we got home, but not consistently. I told her early on that all she had to do to get me aroused or let me know she was interested in wear something that showed some cleavage. She is fairly vain, IMO...had a boob job many years ago, and a face lift about 2 years into our relationship. It takes her at least 1.5 hours to get ready to go "out" to anywhere for a "date". So, we marry in 2011. Gradually, the sex started becoming less frequent...every 10 days or so, and if it went much past that I would become frustrated and I would confront her with the fact. She hates confrontation, no matter the form. I am, by nature, an affectionate man, giving kisses, touching, hugging...I always tell her she looks pretty when she dresses up, thank her for cooking (she likes it...though I was NOT looking for a maid), doing laundry (she won't let me do it, though I'm perfectly capable), etc. We were trying to keep up two homes...she rented hers for a year. Her's was a bit larger than mine at half the expense, so we decide to sell mine (market was better in my city) and moved to the small town she lived in when I met her. There is little to do here, other than one half decent place to eat and get a couple of drinks. She did that with me a few times after moving, but then stopped wanting to go with me. She hooked back up with her girlfriends and meets with them once a week for 5 hours to play card games...of course, she dresses to the "nines" when she goes out with the "girls" (they have these at their homes on a rotating basis). I offer to take her out at least once a week, even to a larger city about 40 minutes away to shop, have lunch, etc., but she refuses 98% of the time. We are both retired and on fixed incomes. The last time we had sex was on December 27th, after getting home from shopping and having a nice lunch in the town 40 minutes away. So it's now been about 52 days. She recently had a birthday, so a couple of weeks prior, I asked her what she wanted for her birthday...she told me she wanted us to go back to the other town, do some shopping and have another nice lunch and "fun" day. We discussed this a couple of more times, and the night before her birthday, I found a couple of antique/flea market places for us to go the next day and she seemed excited. So the next morni ng, we get up, and I'm planning on us leaving at about 11:00 for her birthday (Feb 6th). She gets a call at 9:00 from one of her girlfriends, and they want to take her to lunch at the local country club and she accepts the invitation. I ask her what about the plans I had made for us/her and she said it was "too cold" (it was in the 40's). I asked her if she ever considered that her actions might have hurt my feelings a bit. She starts getting ready, but must have started feeling guilty, so said we could go out to the local place later that evening. Obviously, she knew I was looking forward to our "date" for a number of reasons. She didn't go, saying she was too tired and wanted to watch her shows on TV, so I went and had a few beers with my buddies at the pub. I get home and have something to say about how I thought it inconsiderate of her to ignore our plans and blow me off. We argued a bit, and she told me I ruined her birthday. I have talked to her about our sex life on several occasions, in several different ways. I even got us into marriage counseling and things improved for a couple of months (last year), but then fell into the same pattern. I have explained to her that I don't think expecting intimacy once every 5-8 days is asking too much. She said once every 2 weeks would be fine with her, but she would go along with my wishes. That ain't happening, obviously. She tells me I should go masturbate...I have explained to her that at my age that is NOT satisfying and that it's not just the physical act, but the emotional intimacy from sex that makes ME feel loved and appreciated. I have given her articles to read on the subject, what's considered "normal", what most men need, etc. I have offered to do whatever it takes to get her aroused, see someone about her libido issues, and even told her that she could just give me a hand job or BJ (she won't swallow), as that would at least be a more intimate thing than me whacking off in the showe r when the physical need became unbearable. She rarely even touches me and the only kiss I get is when she is going to bed (without me...I'm a night owl)...and she told me she does not like to have sex at bedtime anyway. IF it happens, it's usually in the afternoon, which is also perfectly fine with me. Advice/Opinions are welcomed...there is more detail, but this is probably too much already, but I wanted to paint a bit of a picture.
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