I'd like to have some advices on this - I'm pretty isolated and I don't want to discuss my marital problems with friends of family since we are still together and I am still hoping for better days.
We started dating 5 years ago, moved in together 4 years ago and got married 2 years ago. I am 40, she is 36, no kids.
She is very independent (which I like) but at the same time, she is very cold. She doesn't like being touched, she's very ticklish, doesn't show affection (I'm lucky if she initiates a kiss or a hug). Now of course, most of these character traits just appeared once we got married, but there was alarm signs I probably subconsciously decided to ignore. That's another story. Now we even sleep in separate bedrooms and it hurts me so much.
Typical weekday:
- she wakes up at 6:00am, get ready, come over to my room (the guest bedroom), tell me to wake up and leave to work.
- I leave the house after her.
- she would call me once during the day just to say hi.
- I come back home after she does. I'm lucky to get a hug and a kiss when I walk in the house.
- then she usually either do some cleaning, or just go straight in her bed to watch Netflix until she fall asleep.
Weekends is no better, unless it's snowing outside (we share the skiing passion together).
About 2 years ago we started sleeping in separate bedrooms. She wants to be alone most of the time, including sleeping alone. She says she can't sleep with someone else.
I tried to tell her, explain to her that without passion, without intimacy, without affection I don't feel connected to her. No connection, no love = no sex. I asked her to make efforts or do something to get me back in the same bedroom, whether it's to get help to sleep better, stop watching TV in bed, but she's not doing anything. .
Last night I told her that if I knew I would have slept in separate bedrooms before we got married, I would have left her right away. No questions asked. She just looked at me in despair, but I don't care anymore. I cannot sustain the love, affection and intimacy of a marriage by myself. She told me she is sorry so many times, but how does it help. We are still sleeping separately and not having sex.
Questions:
- Do you think that sleeping in the same bedroom would help connecting to each other? You know, pillow talks, cuddling (which we never do), sex...
- Is it normal that I don't want to have sex with her because I'm not feeling close enough to her?
- I cannot do anything to save our marriage at this point. The ball is in her camp. She has to make some efforts otherwise the ship is sinking. Would 180 help as a last resort to see if she cares?
- I can't remember last time I woke up next to the one I love, with her smiling to me, giving me a kiss/hug. If we manage to spend a night together (maybe once a week), I wake up next to someone who's in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. The minute I wake up, she tells me to go to the guest bedroom because she wants to be alone.
Is that a life? Can she change and if so, what can I do to maybe initiate the change?
Thanks in advance for ready this.
We started dating 5 years ago, moved in together 4 years ago and got married 2 years ago. I am 40, she is 36, no kids.
She is very independent (which I like) but at the same time, she is very cold. She doesn't like being touched, she's very ticklish, doesn't show affection (I'm lucky if she initiates a kiss or a hug). Now of course, most of these character traits just appeared once we got married, but there was alarm signs I probably subconsciously decided to ignore. That's another story. Now we even sleep in separate bedrooms and it hurts me so much.
Typical weekday:
- she wakes up at 6:00am, get ready, come over to my room (the guest bedroom), tell me to wake up and leave to work.
- I leave the house after her.
- she would call me once during the day just to say hi.
- I come back home after she does. I'm lucky to get a hug and a kiss when I walk in the house.
- then she usually either do some cleaning, or just go straight in her bed to watch Netflix until she fall asleep.
Weekends is no better, unless it's snowing outside (we share the skiing passion together).
About 2 years ago we started sleeping in separate bedrooms. She wants to be alone most of the time, including sleeping alone. She says she can't sleep with someone else.
I tried to tell her, explain to her that without passion, without intimacy, without affection I don't feel connected to her. No connection, no love = no sex. I asked her to make efforts or do something to get me back in the same bedroom, whether it's to get help to sleep better, stop watching TV in bed, but she's not doing anything. .
Last night I told her that if I knew I would have slept in separate bedrooms before we got married, I would have left her right away. No questions asked. She just looked at me in despair, but I don't care anymore. I cannot sustain the love, affection and intimacy of a marriage by myself. She told me she is sorry so many times, but how does it help. We are still sleeping separately and not having sex.
Questions:
- Do you think that sleeping in the same bedroom would help connecting to each other? You know, pillow talks, cuddling (which we never do), sex...
- Is it normal that I don't want to have sex with her because I'm not feeling close enough to her?
- I cannot do anything to save our marriage at this point. The ball is in her camp. She has to make some efforts otherwise the ship is sinking. Would 180 help as a last resort to see if she cares?
- I can't remember last time I woke up next to the one I love, with her smiling to me, giving me a kiss/hug. If we manage to spend a night together (maybe once a week), I wake up next to someone who's in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. The minute I wake up, she tells me to go to the guest bedroom because she wants to be alone.
Is that a life? Can she change and if so, what can I do to maybe initiate the change?
Thanks in advance for ready this.
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