:( We hate each other. That's what it's come down to. We can't have a simple conversation without it turning into an argument. So much resentment between us. I constantly feel like he is blaming me or accusing me of something and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. Yet my husband does not want to separate or get a divorce!! He always promises to change and promises to try hard which only last for a few days before he hates me again. I honestly think that it isn't that he is happy with me.. It's just that he doesn't want anyone else to be happy with me. We both are great people. We just honestly probably should've never gotten married to begin with. We have very little in common which worked at first but didn't keep us going long. Since then it's just been a matter of empty efforts and trying to change so much for the other person that we have forgotten who we truly are. Now nearly 12 years together and almost 6 married; we have 2 children (one is mine that he helped raised from a young age), 2 dogs, a house, and BILLS!! The scary thing for me is being able to maintain our lower middle class lifestyle for our kids. I'm not greedy.. I don't need to have everything.. but it scares me to think if I make him leave that I won't even be able to afford the necessities anymore, let alone the little extra that we do buy! But staying married just for financial convenience seems like a horrible thing to do. I don't even know how to explain my marriage or tell our stories because for so long, I've just been trying ignore everything that's been going on and just get through the days with the least amount of stress. I'm so far from happy that I can't even remember if I was ever happy in my marriage. I look at pictures from the past and I think they were happy times?!? I'm not sure how this is all reflecting on our kids. I try to focus all my positive energy into them.. supporting them, sharing with them, and laughing with them. I'm sure I'm only adding to the issue when I do this, but I don't feel close to my husband anymore. I don't feel like he is my friend. We don't laugh together.. we don't have any conversations that don't involve money, bills, the house, or the kids. He's such a debby downer these days. All he cares about is money and bills.
Like two weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument where we admitted how unhappy we were and how much we resented each other. I told him that I think we have too much water under the bridge to repair the damage.. that I think it's time to separate. He kind of agreed but then changed his mind. I took off my ring to make meatloaf for dinner and just didn't feel like putting it back on. I told him, it was my way of saying; I am DONE with this marriage the way it is.. and the only way I was putting my ring back on was if I felt happy and in love again and that there was no quick fixes anymore.. that we need to walk away or totally rebuild. He did what he always does.. acts different for a few days and begs for forgiveness. Well I'm still not wearing my ring and I don't feel any closer to putting it on.
How do I do this??
Like two weeks ago we got into a pretty heated argument where we admitted how unhappy we were and how much we resented each other. I told him that I think we have too much water under the bridge to repair the damage.. that I think it's time to separate. He kind of agreed but then changed his mind. I took off my ring to make meatloaf for dinner and just didn't feel like putting it back on. I told him, it was my way of saying; I am DONE with this marriage the way it is.. and the only way I was putting my ring back on was if I felt happy and in love again and that there was no quick fixes anymore.. that we need to walk away or totally rebuild. He did what he always does.. acts different for a few days and begs for forgiveness. Well I'm still not wearing my ring and I don't feel any closer to putting it on.
How do I do this??
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