I've lurked on this website for over a year. This is my first time posting. Actually, it's my second. My WW found out about the first post and wanted me to take it down. Even though it was anonymous, I respected her rights. That was a year ago. D Day was Oct 30th, 2012. Halloween with my children is forever tainted. Around that time, I found out about my wife's physical affair with a mutual friend. It was serious enough that she was going to divorce me for him.
This website, and the people on it, have been crucial in helping me cope with what occurred. I finally feel like I'm back to feeling "normal". I've been to individual counseling, couple counseling, and been on and off of anti-depressants. This website was the best tool out of all of them to cope. It's important to see that you're not alone when dealing with something this difficult.
I consider mine to be a success story. I'm still married, get to see my two children everyday, and everyone is reasonably happy. But it took a lot of work from all involved to make that happen.
I've learned an important lesson through this. Trust your instincts. Rarely is mine dead wrong. I felt from the beginning that the eventual AP was bad news, I was right. I felt from the beginning that some of her friends were toxic, boy was I right. As soon as she asked for a divorce, I felt like she had given her heart to someone else. 100% Correct.
I was fortunate that my WW was not smart about her cheating. I proved my case by cell records, Find my Iphone, and reading emails. I never needed to deploy voice recorders like some others. I will use them in the future if my gut tells me something is amiss.
In my case, the snooping and proof was necessary. You will never break "the fog" without it. With proof, showing my better side, and some 180 methods I was able to break "the fog" and get my wife back. The proof ended the argument about the existence of an affair. Showing my better side proved that I was the better option. And using the 180 finally brought out her remorse when she realized that I wasn't afraid for it to end.
The one year anniversary flashbacks are real. I thought I was all but over it until Halloween rolled around. Then, I had to relive each date again, retracing footsteps in time. I got through it and feel normal again. I would guess that those feelings decrease over time. My wife wasn't terribly sympathetic with the D-Day anniversary. She felt like I was pining for attention. I can understand that to a point.
I feel like we can make this work in the long run. That said, I am forever changed. I am stronger now than I have ever been emotionally. I will not be afraid to let go if there is a next time. I don't watch her like a hawk, but I am constantly aware of the possibility of a serial cheater. That's the type of thing that someone that's never been through this will never look for. I will never trust blindly again. That blissful ignorance is gone forever I'm afraid. But I will fight harder for what I do have.
This success was not built by me alone. My wife has done everything that she can do as well. She has shown remorse and love. Not remorse for getting caught, genuine remorse for the pain that she caused this family. Remorse for choosing immediate gratification over the safety and security of a family. That remorse is necessary to provide the motivation for me to continue on with this marriage. To show that the work that is put in now won't be wasted in the future.
This is a success story. I've seen few of those lately. I thought I'd share mine. I plan on commenting more in the future. Happy New Year to everyone!!
This website, and the people on it, have been crucial in helping me cope with what occurred. I finally feel like I'm back to feeling "normal". I've been to individual counseling, couple counseling, and been on and off of anti-depressants. This website was the best tool out of all of them to cope. It's important to see that you're not alone when dealing with something this difficult.
I consider mine to be a success story. I'm still married, get to see my two children everyday, and everyone is reasonably happy. But it took a lot of work from all involved to make that happen.
I've learned an important lesson through this. Trust your instincts. Rarely is mine dead wrong. I felt from the beginning that the eventual AP was bad news, I was right. I felt from the beginning that some of her friends were toxic, boy was I right. As soon as she asked for a divorce, I felt like she had given her heart to someone else. 100% Correct.
I was fortunate that my WW was not smart about her cheating. I proved my case by cell records, Find my Iphone, and reading emails. I never needed to deploy voice recorders like some others. I will use them in the future if my gut tells me something is amiss.
In my case, the snooping and proof was necessary. You will never break "the fog" without it. With proof, showing my better side, and some 180 methods I was able to break "the fog" and get my wife back. The proof ended the argument about the existence of an affair. Showing my better side proved that I was the better option. And using the 180 finally brought out her remorse when she realized that I wasn't afraid for it to end.
The one year anniversary flashbacks are real. I thought I was all but over it until Halloween rolled around. Then, I had to relive each date again, retracing footsteps in time. I got through it and feel normal again. I would guess that those feelings decrease over time. My wife wasn't terribly sympathetic with the D-Day anniversary. She felt like I was pining for attention. I can understand that to a point.
I feel like we can make this work in the long run. That said, I am forever changed. I am stronger now than I have ever been emotionally. I will not be afraid to let go if there is a next time. I don't watch her like a hawk, but I am constantly aware of the possibility of a serial cheater. That's the type of thing that someone that's never been through this will never look for. I will never trust blindly again. That blissful ignorance is gone forever I'm afraid. But I will fight harder for what I do have.
This success was not built by me alone. My wife has done everything that she can do as well. She has shown remorse and love. Not remorse for getting caught, genuine remorse for the pain that she caused this family. Remorse for choosing immediate gratification over the safety and security of a family. That remorse is necessary to provide the motivation for me to continue on with this marriage. To show that the work that is put in now won't be wasted in the future.
This is a success story. I've seen few of those lately. I thought I'd share mine. I plan on commenting more in the future. Happy New Year to everyone!!
Put the internet to work for you.
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