My WH cheated on me with multiple single OWs two years ago (all short PAs). I found out almost a year ago. (Caught, not confessed.)
We have been reconciling. For the first several months it was really rough. In the past couple of months, he has "gotten it" and our relationship has improved 100%. We are really in love with and in tune with each other again for the first time in far too long.
There is still a big problem, though.
During our relationship pre-marriage and for the first few years of marriage we were really, really sexually active.
Then about 2.5 years ago, our sex life began to drop way, way off. I remember getting upset about it, wanting more, trying to initiate, then giving up. On one occasion after I'd started to give up, I said, "I don't know why I'm putting myself through this {side effects from taking birth control}, it's not like you want to have sex with me anyway," and then on our wedding anniversary after we'd dropped to having sex maybe once every three months, I made a similar remark. I do feel guilty for saying those things :(
Anyway, about 20 months ago, right around the time he started cheating, was the last time we had sex, period. I mean that literally. We have had sex exactly zero times in the past 20 months. And that's certainly not for lack of trying on my part.
I have given lots of BJs in that time period, which I enjoy doing. He reciprocated until about 18 months ago. I continued giving BJs for a while to satisfy my own sexual appetite to a degree, up until probably two months ago.
In fact, after d-day, I was going down on him, like, daily, trying to meet my desperate need for hyperbonding.
WH is depressed and is seeking treatment and is hoping to start a new anti-depressant that supposedly preserves sex drive in the next 6 weeks.
This is thrilling to me, to say the least, but...... I had a wet dream last night, and it transitioned somehow into a dream of him having sex with one of the OW. I know explicit details of what happened with this OW, and as the dream ended I thought to myself - now, at more than a year post-d day, how can I even begin to reclaim my sex life?? How can I feel like he's "mine" again??
This is bumming me out. He is kind, attentive, affectionate, remorseful, everything I could ask for. I just wish the sexual aspect of this wasn't so painful.
I also kind of feel like I'm being selfish. I know he is depressed and that is beyond his control.
Then another part of me feels like there is no way a pill will fix this, especially after it's been engrained as a pattern for two years.
I don't know. I just needed somewhere to express my feelings about this :(
We have been reconciling. For the first several months it was really rough. In the past couple of months, he has "gotten it" and our relationship has improved 100%. We are really in love with and in tune with each other again for the first time in far too long.
There is still a big problem, though.
During our relationship pre-marriage and for the first few years of marriage we were really, really sexually active.
Then about 2.5 years ago, our sex life began to drop way, way off. I remember getting upset about it, wanting more, trying to initiate, then giving up. On one occasion after I'd started to give up, I said, "I don't know why I'm putting myself through this {side effects from taking birth control}, it's not like you want to have sex with me anyway," and then on our wedding anniversary after we'd dropped to having sex maybe once every three months, I made a similar remark. I do feel guilty for saying those things :(
Anyway, about 20 months ago, right around the time he started cheating, was the last time we had sex, period. I mean that literally. We have had sex exactly zero times in the past 20 months. And that's certainly not for lack of trying on my part.
I have given lots of BJs in that time period, which I enjoy doing. He reciprocated until about 18 months ago. I continued giving BJs for a while to satisfy my own sexual appetite to a degree, up until probably two months ago.
In fact, after d-day, I was going down on him, like, daily, trying to meet my desperate need for hyperbonding.
WH is depressed and is seeking treatment and is hoping to start a new anti-depressant that supposedly preserves sex drive in the next 6 weeks.
This is thrilling to me, to say the least, but...... I had a wet dream last night, and it transitioned somehow into a dream of him having sex with one of the OW. I know explicit details of what happened with this OW, and as the dream ended I thought to myself - now, at more than a year post-d day, how can I even begin to reclaim my sex life?? How can I feel like he's "mine" again??
This is bumming me out. He is kind, attentive, affectionate, remorseful, everything I could ask for. I just wish the sexual aspect of this wasn't so painful.
I also kind of feel like I'm being selfish. I know he is depressed and that is beyond his control.
Then another part of me feels like there is no way a pill will fix this, especially after it's been engrained as a pattern for two years.
I don't know. I just needed somewhere to express my feelings about this :(
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