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Having ED after wife had affair

My wife and I been married 23 years and she had an affair about a year ago. When I caught her I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. She stopped the affair immediately and said she loves me more than life and it will never happen again. I was doing ok as we are trying to repair our marriage. I love her dearly and I guess love covers a lot of sin. But now after about a year later I am having ED. Never had this ED problem before in my life. This started happening to me after I saw the guy she had the affair with a few months ago. I can get rock hard but soon as I enter her the thought of her with him enters my mind and I get this sick feeling then start getting soft. I just can't get this affair out of my head.
I am 47 in super physical condition. Most people look at me and say wow this guy is in great shape. Women tell me all the time. I weight train 8 hours per week and cardio 4 hours per week so I don't think it is a health issue. I even tried some Viagra I got from a friend and that didn't really help. I would be rock hard then when I enter her I would get soft. The only way I have been able to stay hard is with just a quickie and not give my mind much time to think.
This is a big let down to my wife and she thinks it is because it doesn't feel good inside her to me. She is beginning to bash me some for it. She said the other night You think you can get it up? Getting it up is NOT the problem keeping it up is the problem. I get the feeling she is thinking I am having sex with another woman but that is not the case. I have never told her what is going through my mind at the time I get soft. Don't really know if I should go there. I am afraid this ED will cause us more marriage problems.
I really don't know what to do. I am having crazy thoughts a married man really shouldn't have. I have never had sex outside our 23 year marriage but I can't help but wonder if I did would I have ED with a different woman. I have had many offers of sex from women ages 18-50 so I am sure I could have one of them. Sex outside of my marriage is just not something I think I need to get into.
I need some help here!!

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