Okay, first off, this will probably piss off those of you who don't have sex, or don't have good sex, so I apologize! To many of you, this might sound like a "first world problem"... :o
For those of you who have read some of my posts, my wife and I have sex, and good sex, but it's 1-2 times a month, sometimes 3. Luckily, it's good enough that I don't complain TOO loudly.
The thing is, it's rarely "sexy" beforehand. It's rather planned (not forced), and there's very very rarely an element of excitement or surprise leading up to it. I crave these things. I SO wish it could be a fly by the seat of your pants thing, or in the moment, rather than "business time" (google "Flight of the Conchords, Business Time" if you're not familiar with it. Hilarious!)
So my dilemma is that. When it's business time, it's always good to great, sometimes mind-blowing, but it's almost always on the same night of the week (even the same time!) and there's never really any seduction. It's just implied that it's going to happen, and I already know that it will happen when I make my move. That's another thing, it's always started by me. On the odd occasion I am too tired or not feeling well, we will snuggle up in bed, but if I don't start kissing or caressing her, she won't take the lead.
So basically, the sex is boring, even though the ACTUAL sex is not boring, does that make sense?
She will have 2-5 O's every time, without fail. She will participate and reciprocate, it's not all about her. There are usually several position changes, a lot of alternating between oral and piv and hands, a lot of kissing. And it's different every time. Except for the actual day/time.
Basically, there's no challenge for me. I know it's going to happen (as long as I make it happen), and until we are both in the act, it's actually boring. I miss the anticipation and build up and excitement. It's like having xmas morning 3 times a month for the rest of your life. You no longer wake up excited to open your presents, even though opening your presents itself is still fun.
Yes, we have kids. (but they're self-sufficient enough that they don't need constant supervision). Yes we both work and are tired. There's not an unholy amount of stress in our lives. Yes, I have discussed it with her, and she doesn't disagree, but it never changes. She doesn't take charge (until we're into it, then we're both in charge, alternating), and she won't initiate. Some sort of mental block. Said she's never been like that. Her past, as some of you recall, is longer than mine, but because she was a sexually available woman, it always came to her, she never had to chase it.
My wife has never been a sexual being, outside of actually having sex. Get her into the act, and it's like porno. Seriously. I am content enough with the amount we have, because as I said, it's that good. I would rather it more often, but that's not going to happen. What I DO want/need, is the build-up and anticipation :(
Is this uncommon?
For those of you who have read some of my posts, my wife and I have sex, and good sex, but it's 1-2 times a month, sometimes 3. Luckily, it's good enough that I don't complain TOO loudly.
The thing is, it's rarely "sexy" beforehand. It's rather planned (not forced), and there's very very rarely an element of excitement or surprise leading up to it. I crave these things. I SO wish it could be a fly by the seat of your pants thing, or in the moment, rather than "business time" (google "Flight of the Conchords, Business Time" if you're not familiar with it. Hilarious!)
So my dilemma is that. When it's business time, it's always good to great, sometimes mind-blowing, but it's almost always on the same night of the week (even the same time!) and there's never really any seduction. It's just implied that it's going to happen, and I already know that it will happen when I make my move. That's another thing, it's always started by me. On the odd occasion I am too tired or not feeling well, we will snuggle up in bed, but if I don't start kissing or caressing her, she won't take the lead.
So basically, the sex is boring, even though the ACTUAL sex is not boring, does that make sense?
She will have 2-5 O's every time, without fail. She will participate and reciprocate, it's not all about her. There are usually several position changes, a lot of alternating between oral and piv and hands, a lot of kissing. And it's different every time. Except for the actual day/time.
Basically, there's no challenge for me. I know it's going to happen (as long as I make it happen), and until we are both in the act, it's actually boring. I miss the anticipation and build up and excitement. It's like having xmas morning 3 times a month for the rest of your life. You no longer wake up excited to open your presents, even though opening your presents itself is still fun.
Yes, we have kids. (but they're self-sufficient enough that they don't need constant supervision). Yes we both work and are tired. There's not an unholy amount of stress in our lives. Yes, I have discussed it with her, and she doesn't disagree, but it never changes. She doesn't take charge (until we're into it, then we're both in charge, alternating), and she won't initiate. Some sort of mental block. Said she's never been like that. Her past, as some of you recall, is longer than mine, but because she was a sexually available woman, it always came to her, she never had to chase it.
My wife has never been a sexual being, outside of actually having sex. Get her into the act, and it's like porno. Seriously. I am content enough with the amount we have, because as I said, it's that good. I would rather it more often, but that's not going to happen. What I DO want/need, is the build-up and anticipation :(
Is this uncommon?
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