I've been lurking for months on these boards and posted a few comments but never laid it all out there.
After reading so much I feel like I should have found a similar story but nothing seems close. I'm not here to be validated for my decisions or be torn down but would like to know if anyone has experienced similar situations and how do you just move forward.
I could write a book if I wanted to but I will just bring you to the present but ask any details you want and I'll be happy to elaborate on my situation.
Long story short... in the past two and half years I asked H for D. He said no. So then I cheated(yes I realize I'm a POS for this and feel like it everyday). He found out about PA after I had ended it and I got to spend a weekend in hell. Which I took as deserved punishment from H. He still didn't want a D and threatened to use all of his legal pull (he's a lawyer) to destroy me and take my kids if I pursued a D. I was in a place where I couldn't believe that I had been capable of cheating and felt like I should do anything I could to "Fix" what I destroyed. We agreed to work on the marriage. He cheated a couple weeks into us "trying" and he said he only did it because I forced him to. I kind of felt like I did, so I excused it. We moved forward. I did everything i knew to do to make right my wrong. There was not any contact with the OM even before he found out, I was completely transparent, logins, passwords, phone bills, I let him know where I was every moment of the day. He would IM or text me 300-400 times a day.Some days were ok and others were not so great. He never got over the PA (and I can't hold that against him) but you can only punish someone for so long before they have enough. And that's where I'm at. I've lived in a bubble for over 2 years, I've relocated my family due to my H getting fired. I really thought the move would be a great "start over" for us. I had high hopes for our family. Unfortunately that was not the case. Things just got worse. The more I did to prove my love and take pressure off of him the bigger POS he became. In June I filed for D but we still live together. He still doesn't want the D and is making it as difficult as possible for the D to move forward. He will not allow me move out with the kids and I would never leave them. I will have to go to court to prove its an unhealthy environment for the children to live in for us to get out. I don't want to destroy his career(what's left of it) or put on record th at he's been abusive to get out but I'm going crazy with the ups and downs he has. He's an alcoholic and I believe some type of personality disorder, maybe BPD. He got furious and called me horrible names in front of our daughter yesterday because I was feeding the kids canned chicken noodle soup for dinner. WTH??
I am hesitant to file for temporary custody because he has promised me that if I will "try" to make things work until January he will give me an amiable divorce but he expects me to sleep in the same bed as him who knows what else. If I don't then he says he will "burn me down" and take the kids and make the D drag out for years. Am I fooling myself to think that he might actually just give me a divorce in January? Should I just keep saying I'm "trying"? or is there a war coming either way? It's so close to January now that I think I might as well stick it out and see.
I really wish he would just do the 180 everyone talks about on here. He's spent the last 4 months wasted and barely going to work. I don't understand why he doesn't realize I'm not changing my mind.. and no, there is no OM. That is a mistake that learned from and will never repeat.
I just don't know what move to make next...
After reading so much I feel like I should have found a similar story but nothing seems close. I'm not here to be validated for my decisions or be torn down but would like to know if anyone has experienced similar situations and how do you just move forward.
I could write a book if I wanted to but I will just bring you to the present but ask any details you want and I'll be happy to elaborate on my situation.
Long story short... in the past two and half years I asked H for D. He said no. So then I cheated(yes I realize I'm a POS for this and feel like it everyday). He found out about PA after I had ended it and I got to spend a weekend in hell. Which I took as deserved punishment from H. He still didn't want a D and threatened to use all of his legal pull (he's a lawyer) to destroy me and take my kids if I pursued a D. I was in a place where I couldn't believe that I had been capable of cheating and felt like I should do anything I could to "Fix" what I destroyed. We agreed to work on the marriage. He cheated a couple weeks into us "trying" and he said he only did it because I forced him to. I kind of felt like I did, so I excused it. We moved forward. I did everything i knew to do to make right my wrong. There was not any contact with the OM even before he found out, I was completely transparent, logins, passwords, phone bills, I let him know where I was every moment of the day. He would IM or text me 300-400 times a day.Some days were ok and others were not so great. He never got over the PA (and I can't hold that against him) but you can only punish someone for so long before they have enough. And that's where I'm at. I've lived in a bubble for over 2 years, I've relocated my family due to my H getting fired. I really thought the move would be a great "start over" for us. I had high hopes for our family. Unfortunately that was not the case. Things just got worse. The more I did to prove my love and take pressure off of him the bigger POS he became. In June I filed for D but we still live together. He still doesn't want the D and is making it as difficult as possible for the D to move forward. He will not allow me move out with the kids and I would never leave them. I will have to go to court to prove its an unhealthy environment for the children to live in for us to get out. I don't want to destroy his career(what's left of it) or put on record th at he's been abusive to get out but I'm going crazy with the ups and downs he has. He's an alcoholic and I believe some type of personality disorder, maybe BPD. He got furious and called me horrible names in front of our daughter yesterday because I was feeding the kids canned chicken noodle soup for dinner. WTH??
I am hesitant to file for temporary custody because he has promised me that if I will "try" to make things work until January he will give me an amiable divorce but he expects me to sleep in the same bed as him who knows what else. If I don't then he says he will "burn me down" and take the kids and make the D drag out for years. Am I fooling myself to think that he might actually just give me a divorce in January? Should I just keep saying I'm "trying"? or is there a war coming either way? It's so close to January now that I think I might as well stick it out and see.
I really wish he would just do the 180 everyone talks about on here. He's spent the last 4 months wasted and barely going to work. I don't understand why he doesn't realize I'm not changing my mind.. and no, there is no OM. That is a mistake that learned from and will never repeat.
I just don't know what move to make next...
Put the internet to work for you.
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