Hi, I don't know what I'm doing.... Always been strong enough to handle things on my own. But apparently I'm not now or I wouldn't be here. Wow. This is difficult. I am going to give complete strangers my most intimate details of my marriage. Ok. Here goes, my husband and I have been "separated" since the last day of June this year. I asked for him to leave. We have been together a total of 13 almost 14 years. He is a police officer and has been for over 20 years. There has been an intimacy issue between us for many years. It's extremely difficult for a woman to ask her husband if he's still attracted to her and speaks honestly about the lack of sex and still nothing changes over years....I DO NOT believe he has EVER cheated. Let me clear this up now. He is not the kind of man/person that would ever do that. I'm not being nieve just know him and his character. That being said I have recently strayed. I have been desperate for affection and to feel "wanted " it was with a woman who constantly professes her love for me. I have ended it and feel completely worthless as a human being for what I have done. I hurt her deeply and cannot make it better.
My issue or problem is this, I love my husband and want to be with him, only him. He tells me I have crushed him by asking for time apart. During this time I have realized how much I truly love him and feel I can even sacrifice the intimacy to have my best friend back. He gives me mixed signals and I haven't seen him since the day in June I asked him for time, alls I wanted was for him to fight for us, for me. I have told him that, to please fight for us, for me, and he just says he's "trying to keep his head above water" I feel like I'm dying. Honesty dying. I don't know what to do and how to fix things. Im alone lost and scared. There is so much more to this then what I have written here. But I don't want to go on and on either. Thanks for reading this, I beg you not to judge me as I have done that enough and will have to answer to God for my actions.
My issue or problem is this, I love my husband and want to be with him, only him. He tells me I have crushed him by asking for time apart. During this time I have realized how much I truly love him and feel I can even sacrifice the intimacy to have my best friend back. He gives me mixed signals and I haven't seen him since the day in June I asked him for time, alls I wanted was for him to fight for us, for me. I have told him that, to please fight for us, for me, and he just says he's "trying to keep his head above water" I feel like I'm dying. Honesty dying. I don't know what to do and how to fix things. Im alone lost and scared. There is so much more to this then what I have written here. But I don't want to go on and on either. Thanks for reading this, I beg you not to judge me as I have done that enough and will have to answer to God for my actions.
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