I need to talk to someone about this.
One of my best friends is 40 and married and has recently started an affair with another married man. My friend has been unhappily married to a much older man (30 years older) for 10 years. She says she only married him because she felt she could not do any better, and he has provided more financial stability in her life than she's been able to have on her own. Right now she is not working and has not been for a year. She has no children and has never wanted any....with her older husband.
Now she has began an affair with a man who is same age as her, married for 16 years, living in another state and who has 4 children, two of which are under 10 years old. They met online and have met in person several times. The man states that he is absolutely miserable in his marriage and has wanted to leave before but never did. Now that he has met and fallen in love with my friend, he talks about leaving again. His wife is the only breadwinner of the family for the last few years and I think that has been what has kept him in the marriage plus the kids. His wife does not want a divorce, nor suspects that he is having an affair.
He talks to my friend now about leaving it all (his life where he lives) behind, including his kids, and moving to california to be with her. They say that they are in love. She says that he keeps telling her that he wants her to have a baby with him and my friend says that he would just start a new family with her since the old family didn't/isn't working out, although he claims that he will always take care of his kids (not sure what that means exactly). My friend thinks leaving the old family and starting a new one is something that men always do/happens all the time and therefore is okay. As appalled as I was to hear her say this, I had to think about it, and realized that it is true that it is common. She pointed out to me case after case after case that we know of of people who were raised by men other than their biological father.
Having listened to my friend for years talk about how miserable she is in her marriage, I am torn about how I feel about all of this. On one hand, I want to see her finally be happy and from what she says, the man she's in love with has been devoid of happiness for a long time too. But at the same time, I feel like that is just too easy, especially with him having kids, and there is something super distasteful about it.
So what do you think? Does a man or woman have a right to be happy and start a new family if it means abandoning their old one, or should they remain responsible and honor their obligations and family commitments, especially if the family wants them to stay?
One of my best friends is 40 and married and has recently started an affair with another married man. My friend has been unhappily married to a much older man (30 years older) for 10 years. She says she only married him because she felt she could not do any better, and he has provided more financial stability in her life than she's been able to have on her own. Right now she is not working and has not been for a year. She has no children and has never wanted any....with her older husband.
Now she has began an affair with a man who is same age as her, married for 16 years, living in another state and who has 4 children, two of which are under 10 years old. They met online and have met in person several times. The man states that he is absolutely miserable in his marriage and has wanted to leave before but never did. Now that he has met and fallen in love with my friend, he talks about leaving again. His wife is the only breadwinner of the family for the last few years and I think that has been what has kept him in the marriage plus the kids. His wife does not want a divorce, nor suspects that he is having an affair.
He talks to my friend now about leaving it all (his life where he lives) behind, including his kids, and moving to california to be with her. They say that they are in love. She says that he keeps telling her that he wants her to have a baby with him and my friend says that he would just start a new family with her since the old family didn't/isn't working out, although he claims that he will always take care of his kids (not sure what that means exactly). My friend thinks leaving the old family and starting a new one is something that men always do/happens all the time and therefore is okay. As appalled as I was to hear her say this, I had to think about it, and realized that it is true that it is common. She pointed out to me case after case after case that we know of of people who were raised by men other than their biological father.
Having listened to my friend for years talk about how miserable she is in her marriage, I am torn about how I feel about all of this. On one hand, I want to see her finally be happy and from what she says, the man she's in love with has been devoid of happiness for a long time too. But at the same time, I feel like that is just too easy, especially with him having kids, and there is something super distasteful about it.
So what do you think? Does a man or woman have a right to be happy and start a new family if it means abandoning their old one, or should they remain responsible and honor their obligations and family commitments, especially if the family wants them to stay?
Put the internet to work for you.
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