This is something I've been thinking about recently, and I'm curious to see what everyone thinks. We've seen a number of threads about R or when a BS/WS is talking about R in his/her thread while going through the aftermath of a D-Day. I can understand why a WS may be motivated by guilt. I think it's a natural reaction from a WS because he/she wants to "correct a wrong". But is a BS ever motivated by guilt to pursue an R? I can think of two examples as to how they may be: 1) don't want to see the kids raised in a broken home and 2) feel partly responsible for the the state of the marriage where cheating was seen as a viable option by a WS.
From what I can see in the various threads, it seems like guilt is a motivator for some cases. However, should guilt ever be a motivator for deciding to R in the first place? To me it seems like guilt should never be a factor when deciding on whether to R or not. IMHO, motivation thru guilt can lead to resentment down the road. This also makes me wonder if all the advice for widespread exposure to everyone about the affair more like a 2 edged sword. I understand that exposure is meant to shame the WS into acting morally plus to remove the "addiction" so that he/she can think more clearly. But if this action is also meant to develop those feelings of guilt, then it becomes a motivator when considering to R. I don't think guilt should be a factor when deciding to R, and that the decision to R SHOULD be based upon more tangible feelings like love and respect.
Anyways, just some thoughts I'm hoping some of you will chime in on with your views.
From what I can see in the various threads, it seems like guilt is a motivator for some cases. However, should guilt ever be a motivator for deciding to R in the first place? To me it seems like guilt should never be a factor when deciding on whether to R or not. IMHO, motivation thru guilt can lead to resentment down the road. This also makes me wonder if all the advice for widespread exposure to everyone about the affair more like a 2 edged sword. I understand that exposure is meant to shame the WS into acting morally plus to remove the "addiction" so that he/she can think more clearly. But if this action is also meant to develop those feelings of guilt, then it becomes a motivator when considering to R. I don't think guilt should be a factor when deciding to R, and that the decision to R SHOULD be based upon more tangible feelings like love and respect.
Anyways, just some thoughts I'm hoping some of you will chime in on with your views.
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