Frustrated!-Now What???
I know that I am not the first guy to express the situation of being married but sexually frustrated. I am writing not get sympathy on one hand or get judged on the other. I just want some honest opinions from men and women who have or currently walking in my shoes.
First a few details for your information
1. Married for 20 years—she was 38 and a virgin and I was 34 and had been around the block a few times. First marriage for me as well as her.
2. Sex was decent but not great until son was born four years later. Since then for the most part, sex has seem to be once every blue moon so to speak. Whenever we have sex, I have to initiate it.
3. Despite my best efforts to liven things up in bed (toys, positions, roleplaying etc…) she is very conservative in bed. She comes from a southern small town conservative Baptist roots. Recently she told me that she does not particularly like to give or receive oral sex.
4. She can't, will not, or does not want to lose control of herself in bed. After some foreplay especially below her waist, she will take my fingers away, have a few sighs and calls it quits. Even when I try to do more with my hands, mouth etc…she will not allow me to do any more to get her really going to the next level. She then get her PJ's on and go to sleep.
5. I have tried to talk to her about the situation and that there is more to a married sexual relationship then having sex once every two months for about ten minutes that end up with her retiring after she has a few small sighs and quakes. She has stated that she would "let her hair down" more but she never does and still is very vanilla in bed.
6. She jokes that the only reason that she keeps me is because I am good in bed. I sincerely believe that she thinks that our current sex motif is what sex is all about. In my world, she is on Venus and I am in a different universe on what sex should and could be between a married couple.
7. In theory it would be great to get her to some type of marriage/sex counselor but it took me several years of pleading, begging, etc… to get her to a counselor to discuss issues on how she was undercutting my authority as a dad when she always seemed to come to the side of my son. Even then, she went kicking and screaming to the counselor and according to my wife, it was really my problem when it was all said and done.
Even though I am middle aged man, I still have the drive that needs and desires it more than every couple of months. I am not some guy who wants to do strange things in bed but I am a guy who would like to have oral sex and have sex more than ten minutes per session.
Absent of a BJ by a former co-worker several years ago, I have not have been physically with another woman though I have had my chances to have affairs especially with some mothers of my players on my high school baseball team. I love my wife and would die for her but the sexual aspect of the marriage is dull and practically non-exist unless I make the first move. I am about to the point of having sex with other women if the right opportunity comes along.
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
I know that I am not the first guy to express the situation of being married but sexually frustrated. I am writing not get sympathy on one hand or get judged on the other. I just want some honest opinions from men and women who have or currently walking in my shoes.
First a few details for your information
1. Married for 20 years—she was 38 and a virgin and I was 34 and had been around the block a few times. First marriage for me as well as her.
2. Sex was decent but not great until son was born four years later. Since then for the most part, sex has seem to be once every blue moon so to speak. Whenever we have sex, I have to initiate it.
3. Despite my best efforts to liven things up in bed (toys, positions, roleplaying etc…) she is very conservative in bed. She comes from a southern small town conservative Baptist roots. Recently she told me that she does not particularly like to give or receive oral sex.
4. She can't, will not, or does not want to lose control of herself in bed. After some foreplay especially below her waist, she will take my fingers away, have a few sighs and calls it quits. Even when I try to do more with my hands, mouth etc…she will not allow me to do any more to get her really going to the next level. She then get her PJ's on and go to sleep.
5. I have tried to talk to her about the situation and that there is more to a married sexual relationship then having sex once every two months for about ten minutes that end up with her retiring after she has a few small sighs and quakes. She has stated that she would "let her hair down" more but she never does and still is very vanilla in bed.
6. She jokes that the only reason that she keeps me is because I am good in bed. I sincerely believe that she thinks that our current sex motif is what sex is all about. In my world, she is on Venus and I am in a different universe on what sex should and could be between a married couple.
7. In theory it would be great to get her to some type of marriage/sex counselor but it took me several years of pleading, begging, etc… to get her to a counselor to discuss issues on how she was undercutting my authority as a dad when she always seemed to come to the side of my son. Even then, she went kicking and screaming to the counselor and according to my wife, it was really my problem when it was all said and done.
Even though I am middle aged man, I still have the drive that needs and desires it more than every couple of months. I am not some guy who wants to do strange things in bed but I am a guy who would like to have oral sex and have sex more than ten minutes per session.
Absent of a BJ by a former co-worker several years ago, I have not have been physically with another woman though I have had my chances to have affairs especially with some mothers of my players on my high school baseball team. I love my wife and would die for her but the sexual aspect of the marriage is dull and practically non-exist unless I make the first move. I am about to the point of having sex with other women if the right opportunity comes along.
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
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