Hi. New poster, in need of advice. I am 28 years old, I've been married for almost 9 years. My "husband" and I have 2 kids. There are so many problems, and I am about ready to throw in the towel. Here are the major problems, in no particular order:
Mental health. My husband is bulimic. He had this issue before we married, and I never knew. Looking back, the signs were obvious. Even when we went out to eat, he would always eat and immediately go to the bathroom. Now, he eats A LOT of food and then purges. He wastes money on fast food, and then he lies about it. He eats food with no consideration for me or the kids. It's frustrating to shop for meals when someone constantly raids the kitchen or demolishes all leftovers in one sitting.
Alcoholism. My husband also drinks daily. He zones out playing video games. If I say anything, we argue. The arguments escalate because he's drunk and there is no reasoning with him.
Infidelity. He cheated in the past, hid it for years, and recently told me about it. I am at a loss for what to do, because it happened so long ago. I feel stupid, and now I find myself looking at all of his actions---I don't want to be played again. He apologized, but he said he doesn't know if it will happen again. He told me that he doesn't know what he is capable of.
Pornography. This has been an ongoing argument. He watches it obsessively, not once in awhile. He also searches for "young" girls on porn sites and that kind of creeps me out.
Family. He allows his mother to disrespect me and our marriage. She has done too many things to list, but with each incident he downplays what she does. Also, this is weird to me: every time he calls his mother, he does it when I'm not around. EVERY time. Now, there was a time when he and his mom were constantly discussing our marriage, which I felt was inappropriate. He claims not to do that any more, but refuses to call from our home.
Money. I was a stay at home mom for 6 years or more. So I was financially dependent on him. During that time I got my Bachelors and Masters degrees. He acts as though I owe him something now that I am working. For example, I drive to abused/neglected people's homes. A large part of my job entails driving. I had a 2004 honda and needed something more reliable. I got financed and was able to get any car I wanted. The car I really wanted, he said no to. No test drive, nothing. He picked the jeep I ended up with. A few months later, he also got a new car, the one he wanted. His explanation? I had not paid my dues yet. He has to control things like this. The car issue might seem silly, but I had a $5,000 down payment and got a used car-financed $16,000. He got a brand new car. It would have made more financial sense for me to get a new car, right? He also pulls out money to "tithe" at church, and lies about it. Hundreds of dollars that are not accounted for!!!
Parenting. We agree on nothing. At all. He changed religions after we married, and now he wants to teach my children that some things in mainstream Christianity are wrong. I disagree, and I think he would be confusing our kids.
To top all of that off, he is very dismissive toward me. He said that he is happy with everything in his life, except ME.
Does any of this sound fixable? What would you do? Excuse typos please, I'm typing on an iPad
Mental health. My husband is bulimic. He had this issue before we married, and I never knew. Looking back, the signs were obvious. Even when we went out to eat, he would always eat and immediately go to the bathroom. Now, he eats A LOT of food and then purges. He wastes money on fast food, and then he lies about it. He eats food with no consideration for me or the kids. It's frustrating to shop for meals when someone constantly raids the kitchen or demolishes all leftovers in one sitting.
Alcoholism. My husband also drinks daily. He zones out playing video games. If I say anything, we argue. The arguments escalate because he's drunk and there is no reasoning with him.
Infidelity. He cheated in the past, hid it for years, and recently told me about it. I am at a loss for what to do, because it happened so long ago. I feel stupid, and now I find myself looking at all of his actions---I don't want to be played again. He apologized, but he said he doesn't know if it will happen again. He told me that he doesn't know what he is capable of.
Pornography. This has been an ongoing argument. He watches it obsessively, not once in awhile. He also searches for "young" girls on porn sites and that kind of creeps me out.
Family. He allows his mother to disrespect me and our marriage. She has done too many things to list, but with each incident he downplays what she does. Also, this is weird to me: every time he calls his mother, he does it when I'm not around. EVERY time. Now, there was a time when he and his mom were constantly discussing our marriage, which I felt was inappropriate. He claims not to do that any more, but refuses to call from our home.
Money. I was a stay at home mom for 6 years or more. So I was financially dependent on him. During that time I got my Bachelors and Masters degrees. He acts as though I owe him something now that I am working. For example, I drive to abused/neglected people's homes. A large part of my job entails driving. I had a 2004 honda and needed something more reliable. I got financed and was able to get any car I wanted. The car I really wanted, he said no to. No test drive, nothing. He picked the jeep I ended up with. A few months later, he also got a new car, the one he wanted. His explanation? I had not paid my dues yet. He has to control things like this. The car issue might seem silly, but I had a $5,000 down payment and got a used car-financed $16,000. He got a brand new car. It would have made more financial sense for me to get a new car, right? He also pulls out money to "tithe" at church, and lies about it. Hundreds of dollars that are not accounted for!!!
Parenting. We agree on nothing. At all. He changed religions after we married, and now he wants to teach my children that some things in mainstream Christianity are wrong. I disagree, and I think he would be confusing our kids.
To top all of that off, he is very dismissive toward me. He said that he is happy with everything in his life, except ME.
Does any of this sound fixable? What would you do? Excuse typos please, I'm typing on an iPad
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