What was ever real?

Hi Everyone, I probably fit into a typical theme here unfortunately. I married in my 30's but within the first year of meeting my wife. I was pursuing an education after being laid off when we met. We were pregnant within the next year. I abandoned my education to take a job to cover our pregnancy but shortly after birth I was laid off again, so I decided to go back to school fulltime. Our living arrangement was unique in that we had no living expense in our house. That alleviated much stress, but it would only bite me in the end. My wife makes incredible money managing a bar but most of it is cash, which she doesn't claim. No college education and no other experience in the professional world that might have felt the pressure of a recession. In 2012, I didn't work all year. I had an income the first part of the year (while I was in school), then looked for a job in my field for the second half. It was one of the hardest experiences to spend months interviewing for nothing only to have your wife shut down and stop talking. To boot, I witnessed my first encounter with death in 2011 as well. Between my wife's withdrawl, not having a job, and coping with life at the moment I suffered anxiety. I've never been in that situation, and I'm not anymore, but it took its toll on my marriage. Anyway, 2 months ago my wife started the "I think we made a mistake" conversations. She eventually moved out only telling me it no longer felt right yet she felt so guilty. I got her to go to counseling for a month but I knew the effort wasn't there. She was just showing up to say she tried. She finally admitted that she just didn't think it was going to work, and I called it all done. I've read the self help books, I've seen the counselors. Nothing makes it easy when the person you love turns out to be someone else. I know right now I need to just focus on me. I suppose I hope that venting here helps. I filled out D paperwork last night. So difficult to willingly fill it out against the person you're in love with still.

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