Please make it stop hurting! I dont know what to do anymore.

I have been here off and on since last year. I read a lot. Eventually i posted. I shared a lot of threads with my H. After months of my begging he finally read some. He eventually joined. He's posted 3x. The one post he started was lies. He meant none of it. He has continued how he treated me. He has no remorse. He cries about sad stuff on TV but doesnt have any emotion for me. I have sunk even lower than i was before. I hate my life. I just dont want to live it anymore. H turned his back on me and he's alienated our kids against me. He refused to stop his cheating. He's a serial cheater. Serial liar. Mentally and emotionally abusive. Physically too. He wouldnt move, so i did. I had to. I cant bear the sight of him. I hate the house. His cars. The sound of his voice makes me want to puke. And yet i love him. I can talk to him on yahoo, and miss him so much. Feel like i cant breathe without him. And yet he still wont show remorse. He acts like its nothing. Like im nothing. I cant get past anything. He's never tried, he laughs at my heartbreak and pain. He says he loves me, yet does nothing. He goes out where/when he wants. Yes hes given me his email accounts. His cell account. And i see Hundreds of txt evey month which look like they come from yahoo. Yet nothing going to the screen name i know about. I have no friends. I hate my job. I have no support system. Im tired of living in purgatory. I cant take this pain. I want it to stop. I need it to stop. Please someone help me make it stop hurting. I dont want to love him anymore. I want to move on. And yet the thought of it makes me feel like i'm the one who's unfaithful. Please, please make it stop hurting. I want my life back. I want to move on and let my heart heal. He wont stop saying he loves me. I think he does it to keep me around. When i cry, he gets mean and nasty. Says emotionally damaging things. Please stop hurting me. Maybe you will read this. Maybe you wont. But if you do and you question that its me, here are three signifigant dates to show you. 4/14/99 11/19/99 1/19/2001 Please let me heal.

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