I love my wife, but she's a sexual dud

heh, it just keeps getting worse that I'd find it comical if it wasn't so aggravating. I just need to vent.. Been married 5 years, and I realized that even on our honeymoon, I had to initiate sex every time (even though we did not have sex prior to marriage). I think she's initiated sex maybe 10 times since then, and about half of that was when we were trying for a baby (so that doesn't really count). Let me bring you up to speed: - It's always missionary position. She never initiates another position for the fun of it, and even if she were in another position, she almost never orgasms unless it's missionary. Ok, not her fault, but still there's no creativity or experimenting there.. - No vibrators because "it tickles". - No dildo because "it feels weird". - No oral on her because of my stubble. Fair enough. I shave it off with perfection.... "I can't, it tickles when you go down". Although it didn't seem to be a problem a couple years ago. - Touching her breasts? No, this does nothing for her because she still breast-feeds our toddler. Not her fault, but it's just one more "no" on the list. - Rimming on her? No, she starts laughing and pulls away, saying it tickles. - Rimming on me? "No I don't want to catch any germs that might go in the breast milk" (extremely unlikely I think). I'm very clean in that area anyway. - Anal fingering on her? "Feels like I'm doing a poo. Turns me off" - Anal sex? "Feels like I'm doing a poo." This is especially a bummer after I had a girl that loved anal and would always initiate it. She really loved getting rimmed too. Man she was awesome. Eh, I'm getting distracted... - Anal fingering on me? That's if my wife can find the hole. I put her finger there while trying to enjoy sex, and she gives it a shot but inevitably ends up fingering my perineum or nostril or something, oblivious to the fact that she's got it all wrong until I have to correct her....but it's usually not worth the trouble drawing her a map every session. - Oral on me? This is about the only thing she does. Until last night. These days with a toddler, more often than not my wife will orgasm 2-3 times, but when it's time for me to cum, the baby wakes up, so I'm left with full balls and a stiffy. Last night she came 3-4 times, then the baby stirred, so I said, can you give me a blowjob when you get back? Then it comes out that she gets a stomach ache whenever she swallows cum. Are you sh**ting me? First time I've ever heard of it. I though it was just some coincidence, but after doing a search, apparently some girls do get this. And my wife just happens to be one of them. LUCKY ME! One more thing to cross off the list! So I end up with a handjob, thinking I might as well be at the Happy Ending Massage Parlor. Well, I just needed to rant for a bit...thanks for reading.

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