Our differences in Libido types and Lover styles...so often there is a disconnect/ a misunderstanding of our deep desires/ fantasies / what sex means to us in comparison to our partners....often this needs worked through to come out the other side... So typical in Marriage.. one partner may crave more bedroom time over another  ... one partner may crave more Positions/more spicing/ flirting/ teasing/ role play.... one may have a fetish....one may prefer the sensual "making Love"/ the other something of a more WILD Lust adventure ...One may play the role of conquering Erotic Aggressor ... another naturally more passive/ less of an initiator... some are such "Pleasers" by nature, they will struggle to feel "fulfilled" unless they bring their partner to the mountain tops. To come to understand our Partner's Lover style..or what led to it so it can be worked upon ...when different from our own...could be a saving grace.....  When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life ...also Exercises in the back touching on " What I hope for in my Sexual relationship"...." Describing the Mismatch"..." The Cycle of misunderstanding"..." Reasons to stay, Reasons to leave"... Quote:
There are 10 libido types:
1. Sensual- What you value most is the "emotional connection" a sense of being life partners....your sensual feeling of sexual desire can persist for hours or days, but it is not necessarily urgent unless your partner shows she is in the mood. Pleasing your partner gives you considerable pleasure ~ seeing that :) of contentment on her face in the afterglow ... ...greatest satisfaction comes from mutual pleasure - this does not depend on any particular technique or activity.
2. Erotic- enjoys frequent sexual touch, such as fondling the breasts, patting the bottom, stroking the genitals, as well as prolonged & exciting sex. You are likely to interpret a partners failure to initiate any of these activities or to respond positively to mean either (1) there is something wrong with the relationship or (2) your partner. You crave passion, excitement & variety to feel that your relationship is vibrant & sustainable.
3. Reactive- my sexual satisfaction only comes from pleasing my partner. Sex has several meanings..depending on which subtype you fall under....it can mean expressing love & commitment & making the relationship run more smoothly so our partners are sexually content...while for others pleasing your partner is AS MUCH for your own arousal & sexual enjoyment as it is for hers/his. For all Reactive Lovers > your partners satisfaction can also empower you & increase feelings of sexual competency.
4. Dependent- regular sexual release is necessary to maintain a sense of calmness & well being...Without this, other aspects of your life are put under pressure.. if the need is met often enough, you feel loved / a shared enjoyment. If your partner is unwilling at the frequency you require, you interpret this to mean that you are unloved/ unimportant in your partners priorities - regardless of anything they may say or do to reassure you.
5. Stressed- I feel sexual desire..but I avoid sex because I worry I can't please my partner. You experience considerable regret when you recall your previous periods of having a good physical sex drive & reliable response. You want sex to be an expression of committed love & affection.... but your feelings of failure & inadequacy currently overwhelm this. Sex has come to mean "fear" of letting your partner down or possible rejection.
6. Disinterested- I don't think It would bother me if I never had sex again...Whether this is a result of stress or just not holding an important place in the relationship. You can't understand why your partner needs sex ...Sex achieves meaning for you only through what it means to your partner.
If your partner is happy with infrequent sex , you may occasionally have sex as an afterthought to emotional intimacy... but if infrequent sex becomes an issue for your partner, sex for you becomes an OBLIGATION to maintain the relationship.... You may find your partners focus on sex offensive to mean you are only valuable in the relationship if you are providing sex.
7. Detached - I'm not worried about sex; it's just easier to relieve sexual frustration with masturbation. Under good circumstances sex is an expression of intimacy/ commitment but having other competing demands such as work obligations /being in a troubled relationship diminishes it's importance, it can come to mean a distracting burden. Chances are you was a different Libido type who enjoyed partnered sex... then something changed.
8. Addictive- I find it difficult to resist sex with other partners despite being in a long term relationship. 2 schools of thought...one is the Addictives pursue their interests because of low self esteem & the other is because of high self esteem -they believe they are great lovers , either way... your activities/affairs appears to be an affirmation of your sexual attractiveness & abilities.
9. Entitled- you believe you are entitled to get the sex life you want & you tend to interpret your partner as being unreasonable & punishing for not conducting your sexual relationship on your terms. ...if you are being denied, you feel your partner is controlling your sex life..and this leads to resentment.
10. Compulsive- You find it difficult to be aroused and enjoy sex unless It involves a special object or situation. Sex is more about satisfying your inner needs that have arisen from increasing physical tension & mental preoccupation. If you are able to maintain a separate sexual relationship with your partner in which the paraphilia plays only a minor role, then partnered sex can be about emotional intimacy between you.
Can figure out yours here>>> Identifying your Libido Type
|  Also a Lover Style Test CLICK HERE - just for a little more understanding of each other... Quote:
 ....These 1st 4 Lover Styles prefer their Romance & Love to be "TRADITIONAL" rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary...
1. The Classic Lover- you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.
2. The Suave Lover-you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.
3. The Devoted Lover - you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
4. The Romantic Lover- you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
 ....These last 4 Lover Styles prefer their Romance & Love to WILD & Daring rather than typical or boring...
5. The Exotic Lover - you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.
6. The Carnal Lover -you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about your performance.
7. The Surprising Lover- you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
8. The Liberated Lover- you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.
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