I have ****ing had it.
I don't have good relationships with people. It has been happening since i was 10 (i'm 20 now) but since 2011, it has turned into a ****ing disgrace.
I know me going to university this year will NOT CURE my social anxiety and depression but it will be great stepping stone to leave London and my family and live up my name as 'the loner'. I Doubt i will have friends anyway at the university of Northampton because there isn't a point in life to continue this way. I will just be staying in my room on campus and only come out at night drinking and smoking by myself.
Why you think i'm acting this *******? Because if your own parents doesn't support you in the things you do or they keep calling a loner i.e 'you never speak to us, you have no friends' then i don't want to talk to anyone. When your dad plays mind games and ****s your mind psychologically then there is now a point to disown yourself from the family. I don't care about anyone anymore, i don't need a girlfriend/wife when i can pay for escorts (which im planning to do once i get to uni).
Because anyone i talk to keeps repeating the same stuff to me saying for example 'you're too quiet', 'you're such a weirdo', 'you're so anti', 'you're so disabled', you're so funny (weird). A job i'm doing this summer as a camp leader woke me up and realise how ****ing stupid i am. I applaud the people who avoided me like the plaque on the residential training, they have the RIGHT to.
It's constant for the past 10 years and it drives me to a breakdown. FFS what do you people want? I'VE DONE MY BEST to be social, why am i always judged. WHY? I have no one, This thread is to vent out my anger and to accept that i am 'the loner'.
I'm a Christian and i know God will not solve this, He created me as a joke. My name in Nigerian even means 'God Created me' which is a joke tbh since i was created a retard :laugh:. After this stress and the way what my past bullies, my past friends and my parents treat me, I can not wait to disown myself and just be alone for life, if this is the only way to survive - being alone and isolate from people - then so be it.
I'm so angry i have now forgot the aim of this thread :mad:
Put the internet to work for you.
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