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Husband wants to move. I don't.

When I was pregnant with our first child, my husband and I agree to move from Georgia where I had gone to college and he had been in the Army, to Maryland where my family is from. I needed the support of my mother, being a first time mother, and he was able to secure a good job ahead of time, as well as a nice house to rent.

We agreed at that time that in 5 years, we would relocate to Wisconsin, where his family is from.

It's been 8 years and he's ready to go. I'm not.

Up until about a year ago, I was not having an easy time. I had two young children who I stayed at home with, I miscarried my third child, and I struggled with anxiety and depression. I've finally turned my depression around and while anxiety still plagues me, I am dealing with it better. I now have a part time job that I enjoy very much. My husband was promoted at the beginning of the year and he's gotten a very substantial pay raise.

In addition to that, we recently got new neighbors that have kids our age and we get on with them extremely well. The wife has become my confident, something I haven't had in a girlfriend in a long time. My husband also gets on well with the neighbor's husband. We have dinner together at least once a week and our kids are best friends.

I have not been this happy maybe ever. And now my husband wants to uproot us and take us halfway across the country. He plans to go into the same field, but his salary wouldn't be the same and it's very doubtful that I could find a part-time job that I enjoy as much as this one, or that paid as well.

His argument is that his parents are getting older and he doesn't want to miss any more time with them. Hearing that breaks my heart and I do want him to be happy, but I'm fearful that I would slip back into depression. I'd also be missing time with my family, who I am very close with.

I feel like this is a lose/lose situation. One of us will be unhappy, but if I become depressed, this would be hazardous to our family, especially my children. I'm also very worried that overnight our income would drop by at least $20,000. We're at a place where we can finally own a home, but that would not be the case if we were to move to Wisconsin. The only way I can see us maintaining our income level is if I went to work full-time and as our children are still young, and my husband and I both want me to be there for them when they get out of school and the like.

I just don't know what to do.


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