Hi Everyone,
My wife and I have been together for nearly twenty years and married for about twelve of those years. We have to kids together elementary school aged. She is the most wonderful person I've ever known. But our sex life has always been a problem. I am the one that has to do the initiating and during sex I'm the one that has to do everything. Only two positions are pretty much allowed and there's never any enthusiasm on her part. I've always wanted her to try a more dominant role but it just doesn't happen. I have asked her before if Sex is something where she could just take it or leave it. She would reply Yes. And I would say 'but, ..preferably leave it?" And she would nod her head. We are in marriage counseling now but I'm getting very discouraged. Why would I continually try to get a person to do something they aren't interested in? Just makes me feel pathetic. She's always told me she never desires it, fantasizes about it, etc. During our counseling session the other da y, the therapist asked her Why she agreed to have sex with me that first time years ago. Affection toward him or Obligation. To which she replied 'Obligation'. We are 'working on things' now, going to counseling and stuff. But I just can't get past her attitude toward it. 'Preferably Leave It'.
Being married to someone that doesn't desire you ( or maybe sex in general ) is just debilitating. I just don't see how this will work. Anyone else in my shoes, and is able to look past this? Seems impossible.
My wife and I have been together for nearly twenty years and married for about twelve of those years. We have to kids together elementary school aged. She is the most wonderful person I've ever known. But our sex life has always been a problem. I am the one that has to do the initiating and during sex I'm the one that has to do everything. Only two positions are pretty much allowed and there's never any enthusiasm on her part. I've always wanted her to try a more dominant role but it just doesn't happen. I have asked her before if Sex is something where she could just take it or leave it. She would reply Yes. And I would say 'but, ..preferably leave it?" And she would nod her head. We are in marriage counseling now but I'm getting very discouraged. Why would I continually try to get a person to do something they aren't interested in? Just makes me feel pathetic. She's always told me she never desires it, fantasizes about it, etc. During our counseling session the other da y, the therapist asked her Why she agreed to have sex with me that first time years ago. Affection toward him or Obligation. To which she replied 'Obligation'. We are 'working on things' now, going to counseling and stuff. But I just can't get past her attitude toward it. 'Preferably Leave It'.
Being married to someone that doesn't desire you ( or maybe sex in general ) is just debilitating. I just don't see how this will work. Anyone else in my shoes, and is able to look past this? Seems impossible.
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