I officially called it quits on my marriage a few weeks a go. I had been holding onto an imaginary rope for years, afraid to let my feelings go. After another failure, I decided it was time and metaphorically that is what I've done. The next thing that happened was something I didn't count on, I'm really not in love with her anymore? My counselor told me that this would happen eventually, due to the hurt and rejections, but I still held on for dear life, afraid of losing that feeling? Now that I let go, I have felt great for the past few weeks.
I no longer desire sex or even lengthy affection from her, we still do friendly hugs, but that is about it. Physically things have been like this for a while, but mentally I was repeatedly in denial of both my feelings and hers.
Now that I see her in a whole new life, as a close friend and not a wife, my romantic feelings are rapidly dissipating, along with the lingering hurt feelings. I consider us emotionally divorced, so none of the other things, sleeping in the same bed etc bother me anymore.
As I've said before, I have no desire to try for round #3.
To sum it up for me and what I have learned through this journey is as long as you're "in love" with someone and your partner clearly isn't, you are in for life of pain and suffering. I should have left years ago and saved myself so much, but for whatever reason I didn't do so. Finally letting my romantic feelings die solved my issues and I'm no longer sad. If I would have left before I was completely damaged, I may have wanted another relationship, but now all I see is another heartbreak down the road. In a bizarre way, staying married will prevent that from ever happening again.
I have fun with my wife, we get along great and that is good enough for me!
I no longer desire sex or even lengthy affection from her, we still do friendly hugs, but that is about it. Physically things have been like this for a while, but mentally I was repeatedly in denial of both my feelings and hers.
Now that I see her in a whole new life, as a close friend and not a wife, my romantic feelings are rapidly dissipating, along with the lingering hurt feelings. I consider us emotionally divorced, so none of the other things, sleeping in the same bed etc bother me anymore.
As I've said before, I have no desire to try for round #3.
To sum it up for me and what I have learned through this journey is as long as you're "in love" with someone and your partner clearly isn't, you are in for life of pain and suffering. I should have left years ago and saved myself so much, but for whatever reason I didn't do so. Finally letting my romantic feelings die solved my issues and I'm no longer sad. If I would have left before I was completely damaged, I may have wanted another relationship, but now all I see is another heartbreak down the road. In a bizarre way, staying married will prevent that from ever happening again.
I have fun with my wife, we get along great and that is good enough for me!
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