Hello all,
I'm here because I can't tell right from wrong anymore and my relationship is destroyed. I have only been married for under 3 years. It's a complex situation so I will try to be as brief as possible. Second marriage for both my husband and I. He is 10 yrs older, has a 24 yr old daughter. I have an 8 yr old daughter. We've been together for 6 yrs and I feel like I have been tricked into a relationship with an alcoholic sociopath. He is a firefighter and works only two shifts a week. Those are the only times he doesn't abuse alcohol. He is extremely jealous, suspicious and angry. I have made excuses for him for a long time for various reasons, a couple being that he had a nasty childhood and his divorce was brutal. We can't get along anymore because of all the damage done to our relationship. All the times he verbally abused me, screamed, broke things, said awful things about my daughter. I don't want to get divorced again but IDK how to feel about him and can't seem to find t he love I once had. He doesn't trust me at all, we don't have a single thing that has both of our names, the house is only in his name, separate bank accounts and he made me sign a prenup for his retirement as a condition of marriage.(As I type this I hear him slamming things downstairs and calling me all kinds of name s :( . He goes through my purse, my car, my phone, checks my dirty clothes for "evidence" that I've been with other men... When I come home from work I take the longest route and as I open the garage door I find myself praying for his car to be gone. A year ago I went back to college (a dream of mine) and he reacted very poorly and started to make even more demands. I also wanted a better job and recently found one, since then things have gotten much worse. The other night, he started to scream at me again; thankfully my daughter was at her father's, so I tried to leave the house. He grabbed a knife; told me he was going to slash all my tires so I couldn't lea ve... When I saw the knife I freaked and pulled up my phone and told him that I was going to start recording his actions. He jumped at me ripping the phone out of my hands and smashed it into a million pieces... I was terrified, no house phone and we live in the middle of nowhere. I thought that night would be the night he'd hit me. I didn't happen thank God but I don't know If he would do that or not and he blames the drinking and the rage on me. He has dumped his alcohol a hundred times, cried and begged for forgiveness a hundred more. He then will be nice long enough for us to have sex and it starts all over again, or if I turn him down he gets angry and keeps me up all night and bothers me all day at work. I am numb and feel nothing but fear and resentment right now. I have locked my personal devices and the one thing we shared was phone bill, because he needed to monitor my communication, so I have gotten my own. Now things are getting progressively worse yet every day, at some point, he tells me he is truly sorry and that he just needs me more than anything, that all he does is because he is hurting and missing me. I have no family here, I'm from Brazil and he says that's one of the reasons he doesn't trust me, bc I'm not from this country. I'm not perfect but I have worked really hard to earn his trust and respect, I've also tried to be supportive with the drinking, with his goals, everything he's ever asked me to work on I have. I hardly ever raise my voice and I most certainly have never ever thought about cheating on him. Please someone help me, I have no one to go to, if my family knew I live like this they would go insane. I have dropped out of school because of this mess, my health is declining and my daughter has been acting differently because she senses that things aren't ok... Idk if I should be working harder to make this work or if he is just bad and I should get away asap. This is all so different to me and I have no idea wh at to do ... I apologize for the long post...
I'm here because I can't tell right from wrong anymore and my relationship is destroyed. I have only been married for under 3 years. It's a complex situation so I will try to be as brief as possible. Second marriage for both my husband and I. He is 10 yrs older, has a 24 yr old daughter. I have an 8 yr old daughter. We've been together for 6 yrs and I feel like I have been tricked into a relationship with an alcoholic sociopath. He is a firefighter and works only two shifts a week. Those are the only times he doesn't abuse alcohol. He is extremely jealous, suspicious and angry. I have made excuses for him for a long time for various reasons, a couple being that he had a nasty childhood and his divorce was brutal. We can't get along anymore because of all the damage done to our relationship. All the times he verbally abused me, screamed, broke things, said awful things about my daughter. I don't want to get divorced again but IDK how to feel about him and can't seem to find t he love I once had. He doesn't trust me at all, we don't have a single thing that has both of our names, the house is only in his name, separate bank accounts and he made me sign a prenup for his retirement as a condition of marriage.(As I type this I hear him slamming things downstairs and calling me all kinds of name s :( . He goes through my purse, my car, my phone, checks my dirty clothes for "evidence" that I've been with other men... When I come home from work I take the longest route and as I open the garage door I find myself praying for his car to be gone. A year ago I went back to college (a dream of mine) and he reacted very poorly and started to make even more demands. I also wanted a better job and recently found one, since then things have gotten much worse. The other night, he started to scream at me again; thankfully my daughter was at her father's, so I tried to leave the house. He grabbed a knife; told me he was going to slash all my tires so I couldn't lea ve... When I saw the knife I freaked and pulled up my phone and told him that I was going to start recording his actions. He jumped at me ripping the phone out of my hands and smashed it into a million pieces... I was terrified, no house phone and we live in the middle of nowhere. I thought that night would be the night he'd hit me. I didn't happen thank God but I don't know If he would do that or not and he blames the drinking and the rage on me. He has dumped his alcohol a hundred times, cried and begged for forgiveness a hundred more. He then will be nice long enough for us to have sex and it starts all over again, or if I turn him down he gets angry and keeps me up all night and bothers me all day at work. I am numb and feel nothing but fear and resentment right now. I have locked my personal devices and the one thing we shared was phone bill, because he needed to monitor my communication, so I have gotten my own. Now things are getting progressively worse yet every day, at some point, he tells me he is truly sorry and that he just needs me more than anything, that all he does is because he is hurting and missing me. I have no family here, I'm from Brazil and he says that's one of the reasons he doesn't trust me, bc I'm not from this country. I'm not perfect but I have worked really hard to earn his trust and respect, I've also tried to be supportive with the drinking, with his goals, everything he's ever asked me to work on I have. I hardly ever raise my voice and I most certainly have never ever thought about cheating on him. Please someone help me, I have no one to go to, if my family knew I live like this they would go insane. I have dropped out of school because of this mess, my health is declining and my daughter has been acting differently because she senses that things aren't ok... Idk if I should be working harder to make this work or if he is just bad and I should get away asap. This is all so different to me and I have no idea wh at to do ... I apologize for the long post...
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