Hi,
I've always initiated sex with my wife, I can probably count on 1 hand how many times she has initiated sex. At the beginning of the relationship it never bothered me to initiate sex because I would get denied a lot less than I do now. But the longer I'm with my wife the harder it is for me to keep on initiating sex because I'm exhausted of either being turned down or if we do have sex it feel more like a chore than passionate sex.
I'm starting to get a good grasp and understanding in our relationship. It always revolves around the same discussion of me not always meeting her needs emotionally/affectionately and she not meeting my needs sexually...I'm sure most can relate.
She says that she wants to be wanted emotionally/affectionately and have me initiate being lovey-dovey with her; which I admit I fail at sometimes, because she usually takes the lead role here by initiating and then I reciprocate. But I have initiated this before, but the part that disappoints me is I'll do this for her to meet her main "wants/needs" in our relationship but then my main "wants/needs" of her initiating sex does not occur.
It makes me feel great, knowing that my wife wants/needs me sexually and by her initiating sex I will get my main "want/need" satisfied and she will get her emotional/affectionate "want/need" met to by me initiated this. Knowing that my wife actually wants to have sex with me by her initiating sex, is something that would make my desire of having sex with her all the time diminish because she has shown me she wants me sexually and not just emotionally/affectionately. However, I start getting feelings of resentment towards her when I give her what she wants but my sexual needs are still not being met.
We've talked about this before and she will say it's a lot easier for you to give me my emotional/affectionate "wants/needs" more often than me being able to get worked up for sex after a long day of work, that takes a lot more effort on my part. So just because it takes more effort to meet my needs than her needs, I have to be okay with not having my sexual "want/needs" being met? I feel that's a cop out...
I know my wife is physically attracted to me because when we do have sex; it is great! I just wish that I could do something to make her understand how important sex is for me in making me feel closer to her emotionally/affectionately. Whenever we don't have sex for a while, I feel like a ship that's just drifting further and further into the ocean...I just start feeling more distant from her.
We have had discussions about this and she has told me that she almost resents me because of how distant I start becoming the more days that go by that we don't have sex, but then after we have sex I'm more lovey-dovey again. She makes a good point, but I just don't know what it is about having sex with my wife that makes it easier for me to put down my guard and just feel a closer connection with her.
I'm sure my wife gets the same close connection when she gets her emotional/affectionate wants/needs met, but for me that closeness comes from having my sexual wants/needs met with my wife. I don't want to have sex with anyone but my wife, and I tell her that...but now I feel like my wife looks at me with disgust because I'm more emotional/affectionate with her when we have sex.
How can I get my wife to understand the "high importance" of keeping sex alive in our marriage and her actually initiating sex and making me know that she wants me sexually instead of cuddling all the time without looking like a sex-monster, this way I can continue to provide her with what she needs emotionally/affectionately?
Thank you!
I've always initiated sex with my wife, I can probably count on 1 hand how many times she has initiated sex. At the beginning of the relationship it never bothered me to initiate sex because I would get denied a lot less than I do now. But the longer I'm with my wife the harder it is for me to keep on initiating sex because I'm exhausted of either being turned down or if we do have sex it feel more like a chore than passionate sex.
I'm starting to get a good grasp and understanding in our relationship. It always revolves around the same discussion of me not always meeting her needs emotionally/affectionately and she not meeting my needs sexually...I'm sure most can relate.
She says that she wants to be wanted emotionally/affectionately and have me initiate being lovey-dovey with her; which I admit I fail at sometimes, because she usually takes the lead role here by initiating and then I reciprocate. But I have initiated this before, but the part that disappoints me is I'll do this for her to meet her main "wants/needs" in our relationship but then my main "wants/needs" of her initiating sex does not occur.
It makes me feel great, knowing that my wife wants/needs me sexually and by her initiating sex I will get my main "want/need" satisfied and she will get her emotional/affectionate "want/need" met to by me initiated this. Knowing that my wife actually wants to have sex with me by her initiating sex, is something that would make my desire of having sex with her all the time diminish because she has shown me she wants me sexually and not just emotionally/affectionately. However, I start getting feelings of resentment towards her when I give her what she wants but my sexual needs are still not being met.
We've talked about this before and she will say it's a lot easier for you to give me my emotional/affectionate "wants/needs" more often than me being able to get worked up for sex after a long day of work, that takes a lot more effort on my part. So just because it takes more effort to meet my needs than her needs, I have to be okay with not having my sexual "want/needs" being met? I feel that's a cop out...
I know my wife is physically attracted to me because when we do have sex; it is great! I just wish that I could do something to make her understand how important sex is for me in making me feel closer to her emotionally/affectionately. Whenever we don't have sex for a while, I feel like a ship that's just drifting further and further into the ocean...I just start feeling more distant from her.
We have had discussions about this and she has told me that she almost resents me because of how distant I start becoming the more days that go by that we don't have sex, but then after we have sex I'm more lovey-dovey again. She makes a good point, but I just don't know what it is about having sex with my wife that makes it easier for me to put down my guard and just feel a closer connection with her.
I'm sure my wife gets the same close connection when she gets her emotional/affectionate wants/needs met, but for me that closeness comes from having my sexual wants/needs met with my wife. I don't want to have sex with anyone but my wife, and I tell her that...but now I feel like my wife looks at me with disgust because I'm more emotional/affectionate with her when we have sex.
How can I get my wife to understand the "high importance" of keeping sex alive in our marriage and her actually initiating sex and making me know that she wants me sexually instead of cuddling all the time without looking like a sex-monster, this way I can continue to provide her with what she needs emotionally/affectionately?
Thank you!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment