Hi everyone, I'm new here. A friend referred me to this website and I'm looking forward to being here.
I read the forum rules.
Before I get into my story, I just want to say that I hope everyone is doing well.
My fiancé and I met at a coffee shop. I was putting sugar in my coffee, he bumped into me by accident and a friendship sparked.
We always laugh about how we met. We were together for four years before he proposed.
He wanted a " perfect proposal " and waited until we traveled to one of my favorite places ever, Ireland. In front of the beautiful ocean.
He made me dig up dirt to find the small box with a ribbon which held my ring. It was honestly beautiful, and mind-blowing. He caught it on camera, and we watch it often.
Our lives have been up and down. We have gone through some hardships. He lost his father due to a drunk driver. That was a difficult time, and that happened three years ago. We are saddened to have been forced to say good-bye to a lovely family member, but we dealt with it and find that the greatest tribute to the dead is gratitude, so everyday we remain grateful for his father, my father in law.
I found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy was wonderful. We were both so happy. We decorated our daughter's nursery. We bought her outfits, toys, diapers, and we were just filled with a tremendous amount of happiness.
She was born. And we were ecstatic. Our family had began. We always wanted three kids, and we had one. She was the perfect little girl. I breastfed her, we changed her diapers, and loved her tremendously.
Then, that day came. The day where I slept in until 7am, wondering why she didn't cry to eat for 7 hours. I went and checked on her, and saw what would be the most devastating image to see - my daughter had died in her sleep.
We brought her to the hospital. There was no cause for her death, and they said she had died of SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
To our comfort, we kept her ashes. She stays in a beautiful box, beside our bed. I always talk to that box. I always tell her I love her. And how much I miss her and how sorry I am. I cannot help but cry everytime.
A few months after her passing, my fiancé attempted suicide. He was diagnosed with having depression, anxiety disorder and a minor case of bipolar disorder.
His mother came over to help me care for him. He's a little better now, and is starting to see the light again with the help of myself and his family.
Problem is, his depression and anxiety often causes some difficulties between us and life in general. He doesn't want me to work anymore because he doesn't want to be alone. I understand that, but we need an income. I also love my job. He tells me that I love my job more than him which isn't true at all.
He doesn't want me to talk to other people, because he's afraid that I'll leave him for a more positive, less depressed person. Which I wouldn't, because I understand his depression. We lost our daughter.
He is often verbally abusive at times, or what I find to be verbally abusive. He has called me stupid, and a ***** because I told him that I can't quit my job.
He has told me that I obviously didn't love my daughter as much as he did, otherwise I would quit my job and isolate. He has told me that I don't love her or miss her because I didn't try to attempt suicide and that my daughter must be very sad in Heaven to see that her own mother doesn't cry for her everyday.
Those have been difficult to swallow. I do love and miss my daughter more than anything. I ache for her everyday. I meditate everyday and think about nothing else, but her. I am grateful for her and the time that I did get everyday. I made myself a necklace with her initials that I wear everyday. I have saved all of her baby stuff because I am finding it very hard to let it go, and also, because I am thinking of saving it for our next baby.
Thing is, I'm just not going to try to attempt suicide. I'm not going to quit my job because we still need an income. We need to pay our rent, our bills and we need to buy food every month.
I'm not going to isolate at home in the dark. I need to be out and about. The way I " spend time with my daughter " is when I'm surrounded by trees and grass and nature in general. I love fresh air and I love being outside.
My fiance cannot stand my positive attitude. I look on the bright side of things, and I'm not a negative person. He can't stand it. He has said that he can't stand me, sometimes.
Now all he does is sit on the couch, play video games or watch movies and tv shows.
I don't complain about it because I understand his pain. I understand why he's being like this.
But it hurts when he accuses me of not loving or missing my daughter just because I don't mourn her the same way.
So now, we are losing each-other. And I'm trying to keep us together.
I need advice. I need input. I need people.
Thank you for reading, everyone. Say a little prayer for my daughter.
I read the forum rules.
Before I get into my story, I just want to say that I hope everyone is doing well.
My fiancé and I met at a coffee shop. I was putting sugar in my coffee, he bumped into me by accident and a friendship sparked.
We always laugh about how we met. We were together for four years before he proposed.
He wanted a " perfect proposal " and waited until we traveled to one of my favorite places ever, Ireland. In front of the beautiful ocean.
He made me dig up dirt to find the small box with a ribbon which held my ring. It was honestly beautiful, and mind-blowing. He caught it on camera, and we watch it often.
Our lives have been up and down. We have gone through some hardships. He lost his father due to a drunk driver. That was a difficult time, and that happened three years ago. We are saddened to have been forced to say good-bye to a lovely family member, but we dealt with it and find that the greatest tribute to the dead is gratitude, so everyday we remain grateful for his father, my father in law.
I found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy was wonderful. We were both so happy. We decorated our daughter's nursery. We bought her outfits, toys, diapers, and we were just filled with a tremendous amount of happiness.
She was born. And we were ecstatic. Our family had began. We always wanted three kids, and we had one. She was the perfect little girl. I breastfed her, we changed her diapers, and loved her tremendously.
Then, that day came. The day where I slept in until 7am, wondering why she didn't cry to eat for 7 hours. I went and checked on her, and saw what would be the most devastating image to see - my daughter had died in her sleep.
We brought her to the hospital. There was no cause for her death, and they said she had died of SIDS. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
To our comfort, we kept her ashes. She stays in a beautiful box, beside our bed. I always talk to that box. I always tell her I love her. And how much I miss her and how sorry I am. I cannot help but cry everytime.
A few months after her passing, my fiancé attempted suicide. He was diagnosed with having depression, anxiety disorder and a minor case of bipolar disorder.
His mother came over to help me care for him. He's a little better now, and is starting to see the light again with the help of myself and his family.
Problem is, his depression and anxiety often causes some difficulties between us and life in general. He doesn't want me to work anymore because he doesn't want to be alone. I understand that, but we need an income. I also love my job. He tells me that I love my job more than him which isn't true at all.
He doesn't want me to talk to other people, because he's afraid that I'll leave him for a more positive, less depressed person. Which I wouldn't, because I understand his depression. We lost our daughter.
He is often verbally abusive at times, or what I find to be verbally abusive. He has called me stupid, and a ***** because I told him that I can't quit my job.
He has told me that I obviously didn't love my daughter as much as he did, otherwise I would quit my job and isolate. He has told me that I don't love her or miss her because I didn't try to attempt suicide and that my daughter must be very sad in Heaven to see that her own mother doesn't cry for her everyday.
Those have been difficult to swallow. I do love and miss my daughter more than anything. I ache for her everyday. I meditate everyday and think about nothing else, but her. I am grateful for her and the time that I did get everyday. I made myself a necklace with her initials that I wear everyday. I have saved all of her baby stuff because I am finding it very hard to let it go, and also, because I am thinking of saving it for our next baby.
Thing is, I'm just not going to try to attempt suicide. I'm not going to quit my job because we still need an income. We need to pay our rent, our bills and we need to buy food every month.
I'm not going to isolate at home in the dark. I need to be out and about. The way I " spend time with my daughter " is when I'm surrounded by trees and grass and nature in general. I love fresh air and I love being outside.
My fiance cannot stand my positive attitude. I look on the bright side of things, and I'm not a negative person. He can't stand it. He has said that he can't stand me, sometimes.
Now all he does is sit on the couch, play video games or watch movies and tv shows.
I don't complain about it because I understand his pain. I understand why he's being like this.
But it hurts when he accuses me of not loving or missing my daughter just because I don't mourn her the same way.
So now, we are losing each-other. And I'm trying to keep us together.
I need advice. I need input. I need people.
Thank you for reading, everyone. Say a little prayer for my daughter.
Put the internet to work for you.
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